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IELTS: 'appropriate infrastructure to spur growth and prevent the damage caused to environment'


mvettri 6 / 10 11  
Sep 5, 2014   #1
Please review my essay and give me your valuable comments.

Some people think pollution and damage of environment are resulted from a country developing and becoming richer, and this is hard to be avoided. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

Many developing countries across the world are struggling to maintain their GDP growth under the current turbulent economic conditions. Under these circumstances, countries find it difficult to sustain their growth rate and are under severe pressure to compromise in certain areas such as pollution and environment. However, I believe that authorities should think in long term and build appropriate infrastructure to spur growth and prevent the damage caused to environment.

The compromises done by authorities have direct impact on the environment and in turn affect the country in several ways. For instance, most of the cloth production and exports are manufactured in the developing countries, however, hardly people realize the harmful effects caused to the environment by this business. During the production process, poisonous dyes are directly diverted to the nearby rivers which in turn affect the water body and kill the aquatic organisms. Although developing countries should encourage exports, it should not be at the cost of abusing the environment. Therefore, authorities should devise plan to regulate these industries.

Similarly, nowadays, developing countries depends on foreign investments in this globalized world. In order to attract investments and promote business, governments are under pressure to provide leverage to customers in the form of lenient regulations and quicker approvals. Such haste approvals, without detailed research about the project, are the major reasons for deforestation in many countries and has already caused severe climatic changes in many parts of the world. This could be avoided by the developing smaller cities and providing assistance to investors by creating joint plan for improving infrastructure, thereby saving the environment and encouraging busines.

In conclusion, I strongly believe developing countries which undergo this problem of compromising the environment should think in the long term and plan innovatively to build infrastructure and promote business in order to give a better world for the future generations.

Thanks for reviewing my essay.
vangiespen - / 4,137 1449  
Sep 5, 2014   #2
The essay reflects the kind of research that you did prior to writing the essay. Although you used simple terms to describe your reasons as to why you agree with the statement, your reasons are quite compelling and easily verifiable. That is why your essay makes your stand on the issue clear and also, there is no question about the extent of your agreement with the essay prompt. While you did write a solid essay, I will suggest that you go back and review your use of capitalization, punctuation marks, and also look into the grammar problems present in your essay. Those are the only reasons that the high quality of your paper was diminished. You need to learn to separate the sentences in order to create a readable pause in the paragraph. Without which the reader will have a hard time understanding what you are trying to say. For example:

For instance, most of the cloth production and exports are manufactured in the developing countries, however, hardly people realize the harmful effects caused to the environment by this business

- ... in developing countries. However, people hardly realize the harmful effects...

A review and revision of the paper to clean up those kinds of mistakes will add to the authority and solid discussion of your paper :-)
fadlanmuzakki 15 / 49 36  
Sep 6, 2014   #3
You dont argued that wheater do you agree or disagree regarding to the question.
In conclution, you give statement only to explain the possibility about developing country.
But correct me if I am wrong
fikri 5 / 317 71  
Sep 10, 2014   #4
In conclusion, I strongly believe developing countries which undergo this problem of compromising the environment should think in the long term and plan innovatively to build infrastructure and promote business in order to give a better world for the future generations.

it will seem more interesting if you separate it into two sentences, this is too long for only one sentence


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