IELTS -writing 2 - The most appropriate time for learning a foreign language

Hello everyone!

Task:
Some experts believe that it is better for children to begin learning a foreign language at primary school rather than secondary school.

Last years, the value of foreign languages has substantially increased that has gained popularity of learning foreign languages by pupils. The more experts find out different benefits and drawbacks the more hard to choose the best period for learning a foreign language at school. In this essay, I will compare learning a foreign language at primary school and secondary school.

To begin with, although many parents enroll their children in foreign language courses as early as possible, it can have detrimental effect on efficiency of learning process. If child begin the learning at primary school he or she will have less time for such essential subjects as mathematics, physics, and the native language. Thereby this pupil may have lower scores in these disciplines that lead to lower self-confidence.

In spite of the above arguments, I agree with those who believe that learning a foreign language at primary school can be very useful for pupils who are willing to puts up with complicated and sometimes routine activity. In that case, young learners will have opportunity to learn English easier and more quickly and also to make foreign language vital part of their life. And when they overcome all challenges of learning process they will have great advantage over their peers in the labor market and capabilities to communicate with people from different country using their mother tongue.

Thus, when we have considered comparing of learning a foreign language at primary school we can definitely figure out that all advantages outweigh the minor drawbacks.

Thank you for your attensions and feedbacks )))

@dianakelin
The first paragraph needs a lot of work. You need to reorganize the whole passage and make it to the point.

The rest is more to the point, but you made too many grammar errors in them.

Make sure you use proper subject-verb agreement and try not to forget to use right articles as well.

Also, the last sentence needs to be divided into two separate sentences with proper connectives; otherwise, it will be a run-on sentence.