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April's first day essay - A Quick Grammer Check


newsha31 19 / 75  
May 31, 2009   #1
April's first day

Again waking up early...6 in the morning.
Like all other days, it's cloudy...but I decide not to let the weather spoil my day. I fight back.
***
It rains a little bit when I'm waiting for the bus, but it doesn't take too long; like always my bus is on time.

The driver is back after two weeks in France. I know he had lost his mother, I decide to sympathize with him...
I get on the bus...
I said nothing.
***
On the way that driver talks on the microphone that he's so glad that he's back and then he adds that today we have an emergency drill and we are all going to take the emergency door on the ceiling.

The bus bursts into wipers and giggles; middle school boys are excited and girls are nervous.
I wonder how am I going to do this with my huge backpack, and how am I going to jump down.
My bus driver continues that, if anyone thinks he/she can't do it just tell him. It kind of tempts me, but the excitement for something new wouldn't let me say anything.

Finally the driver finishes his speech with telling us today's date.
***
We get to school in no time. I tighten my backpack strips and get ready, but in my surprise, everyone takes the same door as usual. I wonder why, I decide to ask why.

I get off the bus.
I didn't ask anything.
****
In school the scream of "April's fool day" is everywhere... And so I plan to do a prank on my friends; I'll tell them that I'm moving away.

The first period is over, and I walk out of the class.
I did no prank.
***
The rest of school is just terrible...I guess I've finally given up to weather.
***
When we get out of school, the sun is out. Walking to my bus, I wonder again, that why we didn't get out of the ceiling door. I pass a group of girls and one of them shouts "Aprils fools' day", and I remember the driver's last sentence.

I smile and step up into the bus.
EF_Sean 6 / 3,491  
May 31, 2009   #2
This is quite good. A couple of minor fixes:

"On the way the driver talks on the microphone, saying that he's so glad that he's back. Then he adds that today we will be having an emergency drill and will all be exiting from the emergency door on the ceiling when we get to school. "

"I wonder again, that why we didn't go out of the ceiling door"
EF_Simone 2 / 1,986  
May 31, 2009   #3
I really like this! I've got a couple of minor fixes too:

The bus bursts into whispers and giggles

I tighten my backpack straps

Also, I wonder about switching from present to past tense for your final lines, "I said nothing," "I didn't ask anything," and "I did no prank." Personally, I think the piece would be stronger if those, like the rest, were in present tense.
OP newsha31 19 / 75  
May 31, 2009   #4
Thanks alot. :)
ferocious12 3 / 6  
Jun 2, 2009   #5
My bus driver continues that, if anyone thinks he/she can't do it just tell him. It kind of tempts me, but the excitement for something new wouldn't let me say anything.

Not sure if it is correct to use would not here as you are using present in the previous sentences. Probably use of present simple e.g. stops me to... holds me back ...


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