balance between practical features and artistic visuals
Many people have valued the role of a structure's function over that of aesthetic. In my opinion, I disagree with those people as both of them are should be integrated equally in modern society.
First off, it is noteworthy that working in a well-decorated space is able to cultivate the creativity and problem solving skills of employees. The eye-catching visual shows an effect on both logical and emotional cortexes of brain and boosts its efficiency. This is evidenced by commercial advertisements, which requires the large amount of ideas every minute and that leads to a huge pressure on staffs. According to the survey carried out by Columbia University in 201, seventy percents of teams working in artistic building get along better with collaborators compare to others working in boring one. Therefore, these people absolutely gain more achievements in their businesses and lives.
On second thoughts, it is compulsory for a useful building to supply the ordinary functions as space, safety, durability, access to facilities and economy. It can easily attained by considering a well-known structure symbolized for a city or an apartment which is associated to our daily lives. To illustrate, Hyatt walkway with unsustainable design collapsed onto the coffee store directly below and caused the deadliest structural diaster in USA history. Furthermore, overpopulation continues to be a serious problem in cities, there are not enough houses for everyone. In this situation, a building to accommodate as many people as possible is much more important than simply please the eye.
In conclusion, I strongly suppose that the architects should balance between practical features and artistic visual in a modern structure.
Holt Educational Consultant - / 11,205 3647
Nguyen, please post the complete prompt requirement for this writing task so that I can have a better idea as to what the actual prompt requirements are pertaining to your discussion. Your scores will be based on prompt adherence so in order for me to better judge that part, you have to give me the complete discussion you are responding to.
Please take note of the way that you present your evidence in the essay, you wrote 201 in reference to the year the study was published. However, the year is not completely written so the reader cannot accurately judge whether the information you are providing is accurate or not. Remember, Grammar range and accuracy has everything to do with the way that you accurately and completely present your information in the essay. In this case, your sentence development is obviously flawed and you did not even care to make sure that your information is accurate. There is a definite stress placed upon the reader because of it due to incomplete information. Carelessness such as the one you made above can really have a dire effect on your score in that criteria.
Next, your conclusion can use a better build up in terms of content. It does not follow the required elements of the conclusion which requires you to restate the point of the discussion, reasons, and your point of view (if required). Without that, the conclusion is not as strong and informative as it should be.
I have some other comments regarding your work but I am reserving those observations for after I figure out what your prompt requirement expects to see in your essay. Needless to say, my comments will be adjusted as I learn about what you are really expected to reflect in your essay.
First of all, thank you so much for your comment.
And here is the whole requirement for this task: It is more important for a building to serve a purpose than to look beautiful. Architects shouldn't worry about producing buildings as a work of art. Do you agree or disagree?. Because this is the first time I've posted my essay, I will write the full demand next time.
Thus, the research mentioned was published in 2012. I was too careless when posted essay immediately without checking, which shows my unprofessionality and not respect readers. I have to improve it in order to not make the same mistake in real test.
Holt Educational Consultant - / 11,205 3647
Thanks for the prompt Nguyen. I think that your essay would get a band score somewhere between a 5 and a 6 in this case. As a fluid discussion, the essay portrays a train of thought that has logic and sense. The only problem is that you are not yet capable of properly developing your paragraphs with more complex and better developed discussions through the use of more complex words and vocabulary. While I did understand what you have to say, your presentation can get a little confusing at times. In the second paragraph, you present an example of one of the worst structural disasters in American history. You should have included information about what make the structure weak. Was it because art was prioritized over safety and function in the design of the building? When you offer evidence in an essay, make sure that you have data to support your claim. Otherwise, the data you present does not deliver the proper relationship with the essay in terms of content and discussion. For the conclusion, the correct term to use is "I strongly support" and not "I strongly suppose". To suppose is to be uncertain. It does not make sense for you to be strongly uncertain about something in your closing statement so I am sure that you just used the wrong term in the essay. Which would have cost you points lost in an actual test under the Lexical Resource criteria.
Good essay with nice vocabulary. Keep it up