I can not arcoss the gap

hello I am a student from China,I want to archive my goal that pass the IBT (toefl)
but I am failed.I want to know what the problem is ,such as writing. I have to admit my poor English,I do my best and it for me is a gap not a tool for communicating.

the following is my essay,please point out where is my weakness
Topic :
It is generally agreed that society benefits from the work of its members. Compare the contributions of artists to society with the contributions of scientists to society. Which type of contribution do you think is valued more by your society? Give specific reasons to support your answer.

Twenty first century witnessed a world transformtion,with the development of the society,our lives are more enjoyable and convient than before.When we have a face to face talk through the Internet by computers.When we travle to abroad in less a one day.When we get the information by GPS when we drive in a strange city.I t is the development of science that really changed our lives.In my mind, I think that it is the contributions of scientists are more important to our society.

The first reanson that I want to put forward is that new inventions have made our lives more easier.Take the micro oven for instance.Compare to the past cooker,micro oven will make the food prepare in a less time ,which save us a lot of time.What is more,when we cook the meal by micro oven what we should do is put food in it and make the time the oven will work.That means we could to other things in the same time.Last compare to the old cooking, the micro oven provid us a free charge enviroment,with no fire smoke,we have a clean kitchen,and a good health.In a word, micro oven is an invention that has greatly changed our lives.

An other advantages can not be ignored is the development of internet.For example, in the past time, my mother commuciate with families who are live a far away from her has to write letters.When the families recived my mother's letter,it has past several days.What is more,my mother may worry about whether the letter will be lost.When our home connected with internet, my mother send the email just by clicked the button,and the letter will arrived in a second.What is more we can attached the sonud and video file attach to the email .which is make the life more enjoyable.

Last but not least. Our transportation has greatly changed by scientist.For example,when my father went to college,he had to walk to the town from the village he lived.And took the bus a day and night to go to city where the college located.Ten years past,when the people from the village that my father ever lived go to the same city.It just cost their three hours by train.

There is no denying that we have a more convient life without a countribution by scienctists.

Though, the artists have changed our culture by the development of art and painting and other subjects.Which also make our life diversity.When we got tired,we can read book,listen to the music.They all have influences on our minds and make the world colorfu.In my opinion,the scientists have made more contribution to our society when we take the advantages above into consideration

The twenty first century witnessed a world transforma tion. With the development of society ,our lives are more enjoyable and conven ient than ever before.Great examples of these are: w hen we have a face to face talk through the Internet by computers, when we travel abroad in less than a day, and when we receive directions by GPS when driving in a strange city. The development of science has really changed our lives. In my mind, I think that it is the contributions of scientists that are more important to our society than those from artists .

okay this is really a lot of work to be doing, hopefully you can understand what I'm saying
do you know what Microsoft Word is? if so just put this essay into a Microsoft Word Document and press the F7 button at the top of your keyboard. A window should pop up and that will do spell check for you and should also correct your grammar. Have a friend come over ( a friend with English as their first language) and go through the editing process. They probably understand microsoft word and can help you fix your essay into exactly what you want it to say. If you put that english is not your primary language on your application the admissions office should also put this into consideration when reading your essay.

i edited your intro to let you know that there are a lot of mistakes, but they are only grammatical and spelling errors
the overall essay is very good
and I can't stress this enough have a friend who speaks fluent english help you edit this essay. sit down together and have them help you through what you want to say. They can easily point out grammatical errors to you and have microsoft word work for you the way you would like it to work. If you sit down together, editing this essay should take no time at all

you don't even have to sit down with a FRIEND. ask your english/language arts teacher
don't get me wrong, this is a very good topic and you prove yourself well
you're a good writer who is having problems overcoming the language barrier
keep practicing your english!
read more books and ask questions about statements you might not understand
you'll catch on to the language in no time.