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GRE Argument task for a hobby shop at Grilldon


payal1982 10 / 19 5  
Jan 18, 2017   #1
"Our team has completed its research on suitable building sites for a new HobCo hobby Shop in the city of Grilldon. We discovered that there are currently no hobby shops in southeastern Grilldon. When our researchers conducted a poll of area residents, 88 percent of those who responded indicated that they would welcome the opening of a hobby shop in southeastern Grilldon. Grilldon is in a region of the nation in which the hobby business has increased by 300 percent during the past decade. In addition, Grilldon has a very large population of retirees, a demographic with ample time to devote to hobbies. We therefore recommend that you choose southeastern Grilldon as the site for your next HobCo Hobby Shop. We predict that a shop in this area will draw a steady stream of enthusiastic new HobCo customers."

Write a response in which you discuss what questions would need to be answered in order to decide whether the recommendation is likely to have the predicted result. Be sure to explain how the answers to these questions would help to evaluate the recommendation.

My Answer:

suggestions for the city of Grilldon



The author predicts that Grilldon should be the site of Hobco hobby shop. To support this argument various reasons have been cited. However, these reasons are based on certain assumptions and thus do not provide any concrete evidence to support author's argument.

First, a poll result is indicated according to which 88 percent of those who responded were in favor of hobby shop in Grilldon. There is no data regarding what was the sample size of poll. It is quite possible that the sample may not be representative for entire city of grilldon. Also, there is no mention about the profile of the residents. The results could have been biased if there are more number of people from a specific income group. Had there been any information regarding how the sample was collected, it could have justified the author's claim.

Second, the author states that the Grilldon is in a region of the nation where the hobby business has increased during the past decade. This claim is not logical and conclusive as previously it was mentioned that there is no hobby shop in Grilldon as of now. If the region is growing in hobby business since last 10 years, why there is not a single hobby shop still in Grilldon. How can one presume that other regions are same as Grilldon?. Every region in a nation has different customer profile and varied interests. Assuming Grilldon to grow at the same rate as other regions is not valid and weakens the argument. If the author had mentioned a comparative study of different regions citing similarities with Grilldon, it would have strengthened the above argument.

Third, the author assumes that Grilldon has a very large population of retirees and people will have ample time for hobbies. It is not necessary if someone has time he or she will spend it on hobbies. Some people would like to travel or spend time with their families. There might be some who would spend their time relaxing. The author's assumption without any other relevant information does not provide any evidence to support it.

In conclusion, the above assumptions do not provide enough information to validate the claim that Grilldon should be the site of Hobco Hobby shop.
ichanpants89 [Contributor] 16 / 777 309  
Jan 18, 2017   #2
Payal, in argumentative type of essay, a clear introduction paragraph that has overall progression of your ideas are necessary to be mentioned. It is unfortunate that you wrote an unclear response in the beginning part of your essay. Thus, I suggest you to at least mention what are the general ideas that you are going to elaborate in the body paragraphs. I am sure that it would improve your GRE score later on. The following approach is recommended to be placed in the introduction paragraph. I hope you can follow through.

The author predicts that Grilldon should be [...] evidence to support author's argument.

It is predicted that Grilldon should be the site of HobCo hobby shop. This essay will discuss three major ideas why Grilldon is not supposed to be the place for HobCo hobby shop. Therefore, the possibility of biased research sample, its illogical assumption, and lack of evidence to support the claim are brought into the discussion as three major notions to negate the author's view.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 14,767 4770  
Jan 18, 2017   #3
Payal, another part of the report that was not indicated in the sampling is the type of hobby shop that was used for the profiling of the residents. If 88 percent of the population would support the entrance of a hobby shop, then the people must have a specific hobby in mind that they would enjoy supporting. Therefore, the overall sampling system for the survey was flawed. Since there is no hobby shop currently in existence in Grilldon, it stands to reason that the residents may not even be familiar with the services offered and functions of a hobby shop. Therefore, the report is inaccurate and based on questionable poll information.

That said, your current essay is also good in the sense that you ask the proper questions and you also defend your stance in a strong manner. This shows a clear understanding of the report and you use relevant reasons in your writing. It is my belief that based upon the given criteria for scoring a GRE argument task, this essay can score between a 4 and 5. I am not scoring the increments because I am not familiar with the minute considerations that the actual examiner will use in scoring your essay. I think you did a pretty good job here.


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