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Argumentative essay "International students should not be allowed to work while study in Aus."

Philipfeng 1 / -  
Mar 29, 2017   #1

"International students should not be allowed to work while studying in Australia." Discuss

require 600 words ( 10% deviation )

It is common that international students go to find a job in Australia. Doing a job in Australia have two advantages and two disadvantages. Some people argued that government should stop the right of international students in doing a jobï¼›whereas other people suggest that international students working in Australia are beneficial for them. Although it is argued that overseas students could gain some assets for the future life, in this case, they will make two problems to the society.

The reasons why International students should not be allowed to work in Australia are causing unemployment and affecting the study. To begin with, students will increase the rate of unemployment of local residents. For example, when an international student found a job, the local residents will be lost one working opportunity. Also, employers are more likely to employ an international student. Because oversea students do not know the law of minimum salary, they may receive a lower salary than a local resident. Furthermore, international students may get hurt at work. For instance, an international student is doing a driver job, who drove into the tree accidently because of the rain weather. Thus, he hurt his leg and cannot move for some months. This accident will affect his student's study.

Many people believe that job is not suitable for international students. On the other hand, there are two advantages why international students should find a job. Firstly, International students could train English speaking skill during the job. For instance, when international students find a waiter job in a restaurant, they have to speak English with the customers or staffs during the job. Thus, they can increase the English-speaking skill effectively. Secondly, International students need to work for affording the cost of living. In details, the renting price of accommodation in Australia is very expensive. Living in student apartment is probably 400 dollars per week. That is quite hard for a student to afford the rents. Students can find a job to better the balance of personal bills.

It may be true that students can have a chance to speak more English at work. Also, they can earn some money from jobs. However, these benefits are not totally true. At first, some international students may speak the first language in some restaurants. If Japanese students find a job in a Japanese restaurant, they probably speak the Japanese language during the job. On the other hand, if students want to train their English-speaking skill. They could make more international friends who do not speak the same language from the class. In addition, International students could rent a house or apartment together to avoid the high price of accommodation. On the internet, some big houses have 4 to 6 bedrooms. If students find some friends to take a house together, they can save money on renting.

In summary, the controversial issue is that whether international students should have a right of doing a job. It should not happen. Because international students will decrease the chance of a job for the local residents. Also, it is easy for a student to get injured at work. On the other hand, international students could speak English with people from other countries. At the same time, they can share a house together to decrease the rents. Therefore, international students should not be allowed to find a job.

This is my first time to upload an essay.
Thanks for watching.

tamtamii 9 / 7  
Mar 29, 2017   #2
halo @Philipfeng

I think that your essay is quite good. I found in first and second paragraph that your idea and the explanation is excellent but for the next paragraph I think that you out of the question because you only explain about how to reduce rent house. It does not relation with your question that asking about how allowed or not allowed overseas student to look for job while they are studying. For my suggestion, you have to focus on one idea then you develop it with your own explanation.
Holt - / 7,528 2001  
Mar 29, 2017   #3
Philip, your essay has a number of grammatical problems. The first problem, is your fondness for using the word "Because" to start a sentence. The term "because" is a connecting word that is used to connect a previous idea with the next idea. Therefore, it cannot be used to start a sentence as you very often do in this essay. You also have a problem completing the thoughts in your sentences. You often place a period at the end of a sentence that has yet to complete its thought presentation. This creates a hanging sentence which, does not help create an authoritative image of yourself as a writing student. You have a tendency to discuss more than one topic per paragraph. This makes it difficult to keep track of the information and also, creates confusion when it comes to deciphering what you really want to say in the paragraph. Try to limit each paragraph to one idea or two connected ideas per paragraph. That way the reader doesn't get stressed out trying to keep track of the conversation you are presenting.

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