Hi- I am looking for feedback on my argumentative essay on Evaluating a Music Video.
Prompt- Set up a reasoned argument about the video with a clear argumentative thesis statement- you will need to cue your audience to your point with clear argumentative topic sentences
Can you hear me now?
Music videos are created to promote the artist and their music as well as entertain the audience. Many of today's videos are less than imaginative or almost completely disconnected from the lyric of the song. In the video "Jeremy" by Pearl Jam, the band uses the opportunity to bring attention to teenage suicide with pervasive visuals and intense lyricism that illustrate society is at fault.
In the video "Jeremy", instability of the main character is established early and immediately portrays his parents as part of the problem. The emotional detachment felt by Jeremy's parents is highlighted by the lyrics "Daddy didn't give attention... to the fact mommy didn't care" This is apparent in the scene in which Jeremy is shown pleading for his parents attention, as they sit at the table like mannequins in their "affluent suburb". A large eye in the background symbolizing Jeremy reaching out, only his parents unresponsiveness sends him to recede back to his troubled mind, the eye shuts. "King Jeremy the wicked" plays as you understand the pain and torture that he is going through. In another scene, Jeremy is touching a large cardboard picture of an empty suit and dress, his parents are there physically, but emotionally they did not exist for Jeremy.
In the video, Jeremy's alienation in the classroom was made clear as he fiercely scribbled, the students' point fingers at him, mouths agape in laughter. Jeremy withers in his seat as if the torment will never cease. The lyrics at this section of the song "Seemed a harmless little one... But we unleashed a lion" indicate that this is from the third person, a classmate that had picked on him. As they picked on him, no one expected him to answer back, Jeremy did in a way no way dreamed of.
The video takes on a political tone with a brief clip showing the students standing at attention for the pledge of allegiance and then a quick flash of their arms extended in a "Hail Hitler" salute. The idea of mass conformity of society as a destructive force is made relevant to the reference to Hitler. Jeremy is shown wrapped in an American flag in front of fire, symbolizing an individual that did not conform to America perceived standards, therefore ridiculed by his peers. Jeremy had no support system, no friends, family or a society to care.
"Jeremy spoke in class today" is a repeated lyric throughout the song, a metaphoric clue to his suicide. Jeremy's death was the only way he felt he could communicate with the world, the only way to get anyone's attention. The lyric's "Try to forget this... try to erase this... from the blackboard", presenting the interpretation that the kid no one paid attention to, given the biggest impression of all and would forever be ingrained in their memories.
Through constant use of powerful visuals and profound lyrics, "Jeremy" appropriately illustrates alienation by society in a very explicit form. Even though, Jeremy takes his own life, the video portrays society as the killer, as he felt he had to take the most extreme way to be noticed. The picture depicts a depressing, haunting tale of how consistent neglect and an absent careless society can contribute to the demolition of an individual, where they see the only way to solve the problem is to commit suicide.
Rebecca, what you have written is more of an opinion essay than an argumentative essay. That is because the video is only discussed and seen from your point of view. This makes your work weak and inconsistent with the prompt provided. Have you given any thought to checking the online comments, opinions, and reviews of this music video? That would be one of the good ways to approach this essay.
Read the online comments from both the professional and amateur websites regarding the video. Take note of the top 5 arguments from each source. See if you have any opposing opinions for their point of view in your original essay. If you do, use their comment to create the argument within your own essay. Remember, an argumentative essay is only effective once you have both sides of an opinion represented in the paragraph. Without it, you only present a one sided point of view or opinion paper.
Give my suggestions some consideration and see if it will work for you :-) I look forward to reading the opposing side of the arguments.
