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IELTS argumentative essay for Salaries of Sports Athletes

ricardof360 1 / -  
Jul 17, 2017   #1
Successful sports professionals can earn a great deal more money than people in other important professions. Some people think this is fully justified while others think it is unfair. Discuss both these views and give your opinion

huge salary for a professional athlete

Some sport players earn in one year what a worker earns in years of life. This is the result of the well profited industry of entertainment.even though some people think its unfair, players should receive a high salary, due the fact they are not only the ones who earns high salary in this role, that they are the main characters of these games, and its difficult succeed in this career.

Despite the fact that these career can bring fortune and fame, it has many disadvantages, its all unstable and risky.build career as an athlete requires years of dedication and also be young enough, he must be good on both mental and physical conditions, in case of an Irreversible injury, working all these years with sports, it will be tough to start different career.

The industry of sports make millions of dollars with tickets sales, media rights, brands and others. The owners earn the biggest amount of money without even move or run the risks.if the players receive a lower salary, the sport industry would still make money, and the biggest part of the would still go the owners.

To summarize the big salary of an athlete is fair, because represents a good distribution of revenue that the industry receive, and also the fact that careers in sports are difficult and unstable, it can only be performed in the youth.

cherri mocha 1 / 1  
Jul 18, 2017   #2
I think the topic asks you to discuss about 2 views, and you just answered 1. You can talk about 2 views in 2 paragraphs to make it easier to compare.
Holt [Contributor] - / 7,680 2044  
Jul 18, 2017   #3
Ricardo, you were not able to properly paraphrase the original prompt. You mistook the presentation of facts in your first paragraph for the paraphrasing. Let me show you how the proper paraphrasing for this prompt should look:

Successful sports professionals tend to earn a greater deal of money than the regular employee. Some people think that the income that athletes are paid is justifiable. Others believe that the sports celebrities earn too much for their profession and this puts them at an unfair advantage. As far as my point of view is concerned, I believe that their high salaries are justified. I will be discussing these justifications shortly.

Only after this presentation should your current first paragraph come into the discussion as part of your justification for the high salary the athletes receive. Your summary is not a properly developed conclusion because you continue to discuss the justification process in it. Therefore, it is not a summary but additional information. A summary should read similar to this:

In summary, I would like to reiterate the athletes have justifiable reasons for their high salaries. While these may seem exorbitant to some, the dangers and skills required to play the game indicates that the athletes take greater risks with their physical well being than regular employees. Therefore, the salary their receive is commensurate to their performance and the demands of their career.

Note that I merely summarized the already presented information along with a repetition of my opinion, closing with a justification that does not present new information to the reader but merely adopts a point of view already given in the previous statements. That is how you write a proper summary.

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