Unanswered [21] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 4

IELTS - the arguments for and against keeping pets


androidman 3 / 4  
Aug 2, 2011   #1
Topic: Too much attention is paid to and too much money is spent on keeping pets, while people throughout the world are starving.

- Discuss the arguments for and against keeping pets
- To what extent do you agree?

Source: IELTS Testbuilder

For many years it has been recognized that animals are not just helpers for our work, also they have been part of our life as a friend or family member. While on the other side going poverty and poor life, caring animals or giving more attention to animals leads some people to think that attention to human lower than animals. Since old times animals have been one of the first causes of human civilization, for instance, by keeping animals and raising them farming was learned; by experiencing animal organism medicine has been developing. Similarly, caring household animals lead people to love nature and its pieces. Consequently, knowing to treat animals in a right way reduces the danger of animal species extinction.

In my opinion, taking versus the caring household animals with paying attention to the poverty is not right position. Since, they are quite different notions, caring animal has not a negative affect on people who are suffered by having no food. Conversely, having household animals, like hens, cows and so on benefits with providing food.

My obvious answer is breeding animals has no relationship with starvation of people. There are many other factors of starvation, namely ecological, political and economical. Money spending on animal is not so high than other sectors, so reducing the amount of money for animals would not give any significant change. People, as well as government should reduce financing other sectors in order to make better changes for the people who are living in a poverty.

After finishing it, I reread it. To say the truth i don't like it. Anyway i put here, awaiting your assessments. Thank you for your time

nebadezzar 2 / 4  
Aug 2, 2011   #2
Hi there!!
I think you have a good start right here but there is a lot to work on. First, i hate to say it but your essay is a bit unorganized and does not fully answer the prompt. I think you should re-write it. But before you do i think you should outline your thoughts first so your essay will be organized and flow. Lets start off with the outline.

I.Intro
- try starting off with your experience with pets
- next is your thesis, which states whether you think keeping pets is good/bad
II. Body paragraph 1
- in this paragraph you want to have some specific examples/evidence to support your thesis.
- Then try to elaborate on your example/evidence, explain how it relates to your thesis.
III. Body paragraph 2
- do the same thing as you did in body paragraph 1, except use another specific example/evidence.
- then try to elaborate/explain how it relates or supports your thesis.
IV. Body paragraph 3
- Repeat what you did in body paragraphs 1 and 2.
- in this paragraph you have the option to qualify or talk about the opposite side of what you are arguing for. so if you say pets are bad, you can talk about some of the good things about pets in this paragraph. but remember, the side you are supporting must be stronger than the opposing side.

V. Conclusion.
- Now what you want to do is sum up all your thoughts and add any last words before you end your essay.
- do not add new examples/evidence in this paragraph.
- and if possible try to end your conclusion so that it refers back to the thesis.

I really hope this helped, i think you have a lot of good ideas, you just need to put them together in a nicely organized essay. also always proof read and try to fix any grammar errors. Good Luck!!! :D
vanessa000 4 / 9  
Aug 2, 2011   #3
also they have been part of our life as a friend or family member- as friends or family members.
While on the other side going poverty and poor life, caring animals or giving more attention to animals leads some people to think that attention to human lower than animals. ------you must revise this sentence, it just doesn't make sense in here. I don't really understand what you are tying to say for the first part, so I couldn't give any comments. But, I think you need to put "is" after human to make a complete sentence. Also, change "lower" to "less"; add " to " after than.

for instance, by keeping animals and raising them farming was learned; - you need to put a"," after " by keeping animals and raising them",

by experiencing animal organism medicine has been developing-you need to put a "," after "organism"

caring animals doesn't have a negative effect on people who are suffered with starving. Conversely, raising household animals, such as hens and cows actually help provide with food.

Consequently, knowing to treat animals in a right way reduces the danger of animal species extinction.---add " how" after "knowing to "

My obvious answer is breeding animals has no relationship with starvation of people- add" that" after "is"

Would it be better if you revise it like this" I maintain that breeding animals is not the cause of world poverty.

Money spent on animals is nothing, compare with expenditure on other factors. Therefor, it will not make a significant change if cutting the spent on animals.

To be honest, you really need to work on your grammar and know how to write complete sentences. Good luck.
TTJudy 4 / 3  
Aug 2, 2011   #4
For many years it has been recognized that animals are not justonly helpers for our work, but also they have been part of our life aslike a friend or family member. While on the other sideOn the other hand, going poverty and poor life, caring animals or giving more attention to animals leads some people to think that not enough attention is paid to human lower thanas to animals. Since oldancient times, animals have been one of the first causesmany incentives of human civilization,.F or instance, by keeping animals and raising themanimals, farming was learned; by experiencingexperimenting on animal organism, medicine has been developing. Similarly, caring household animals leads people to love nature and its pieces. Consequently, knowing to treat animals in a right way reduces the danger of animal species extinction.

You may as well enhace your basic grammar first before you could write every sentence without substancial mistaakes...


Home / Writing Feedback / IELTS - the arguments for and against keeping pets