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Around 40% of people are studying because of their interest in subject and to gain qualification


vijaythot 1 / -  
Aug 16, 2012   #1
this is my first thread sir/madam kindly make the necessary suggestions. thanks in advance

The bar chart illustrates various reasons for adults education and the pie chart reveals the opinion of various people about the sharing cost of adult education.

From the bar graph it is clear that approximately around 40 percent of people are studying because of their intreast in subject and to gain qualification. 22 percent of people study, as it is helpful for their current job. the reason for improving prospects of promotion and study for enjoyment is of 20 percent each, while a minor proportion (12% and 9%) believe that their study can able to change their jobs and to meet new people

There are three ways people think that the education cost should be shared. The majority of people (40%) think individual should bear the cost of their education on the other hand they believe that tax payers and employers should share the education cost to about 25%and 35% respectively

( 151 words )




April April 13 / 148 22  
Aug 16, 2012   #2
Hi Vijaya,

There is a repetition of 'various' in the intro. You could use 'a number of', 'a variety of' or 'different' instead. Also, you need to include a general statement in the intro.

And it's INTEREST, not INTREAST (spelling mistake)

Best
April April 13 / 148 22  
Aug 16, 2012   #3
You're so welcome. And please don't say sir/madam or ma'am (when you said 'mam' you meant ''ma'am'', right?) It's just so formal and distant :D
payampoya - / 3  
Aug 16, 2012   #4
Hi,in addition you should also write a conclusion paragraph at the end even a short one.


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