IELTS Task 2 - Art education in high school?

Please help me with this essay! I'm still practicing. Big thank!

You should spend 40 minutes on this task.
Art classes, such as painting and drawing, are as important for children's development as other subjects, so it should be compulsory in high school. Do you agree or disagree?

You should write at least 250 words.

school curriculum WITH OR WITHOUT ART

Art is without doubt an essential part of life, thus the assertion to add it to high school curriculum has its own validity. Personally, I believe such subjects of painting, drawing, or even sculpturing can make fantastic options in students' learning program.

It is clear that art classes can become a form of relaxation. More physically involved lessons give students a pleasant escape from the daily grind of academic subjects. Instead of getting stressed out with numbers and events, students can pour their hearts out with songs and pictures, which ultimately gives them a great boost of energy. More importantly, art lessons enhance students' creativity and sense of independence. No works of art are the same. Students are, in such classes, encouraged to produce and own their art. This results in students having stronger sense of self and being more willing to voice their opinion.

It, however, is undeniable that imposing art classes on high schoolers can be counter-productive. Students in such age group have already faced with a myriad of problems, either personal or learning-related. Consequently, making art compulsory might turn out as another burden for some students who simply show no interest or barely own any skills for it. Also, art lessons usually fail to equip students with adequate knowledge of the field to successfully produce anything in a limited amount of time. Thus, it can be a waste of time and money for both schools and students.

In summary, introducing art-related subjects in curriculum can do wonders to students' mental and physical development when being optional. What most students need is not a burden but a room for letting their hair down and being creative.

Hi @tamcsp
I think your essay gave us a many-sided view about this problem, and your tone is great, but I think your answer not proper to academic essay, because this topic is "agree or disagree". And you should state your answer directly in your introduction. So 2 paragraphs following could not clear out your option, because you discussed both sides of this topic, not supported your own opinion. Your structure is more proper if it be used for literary one.

Hope it will help.

Tam, your paper has not properly discussed the prompt requirements. This is an agree or disagree essay that you responded to as a personal opinion essay. The response to this is either "Yes, I agree" or "No, I disagree." it cannot be responded to with "I believe" because that is not an option provided for in the original prompt. This is a single opinion essay discussion covering 4 paragraphs namely:

1. Prompt paraphrase - inaccurately presented
2. Explanation of your point of view - No side was taken in your argument
3. Example to support your point of view - Again, no relevant discussion pertaining to this was done
4. Concluding summary - Your work does not appropriately summarize the discussion points because you did not present the correct discussion and supporting reasons for the provided topic.

You basically went rogue and created your own discussion topic. Which means you did not understand what the instructions for the discussion were. This is the type of essay that, if written during an actual test, will find it very difficult to reach even a passing score consideration from the examiner.