'Born' artist or the one who learned the arts
Kindly assess my essay by giving a band. my score target is 6.5
Some people say that art (eg. Painting, music, poetry, etc...) can be made by everyone whereas others believe that it can only be made by those with special ability. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
One of the most controversial issues among people relates to practise of art. while some people consider that making art is a speciality, others take the view that everyone is able to carry out a certain number of art. In this essay, I am going to examine this question from both points of view.
On one side of the argument, there are people who argue that by making art, they can find pleasure and practise a hobby. Many people choose playing sport, doing music or writing poetry because this allows them to enjoy their spare time although they are not professionals. One good illustration of this is painting our bedroom or apartment by ourselves can positively affect our mood which will provide us a sense of achievement. It is also possible to say that practising art is a manner to reach mental balance.
On the other hand it is also possible to argue that in fact art has compulsorily to be made by those with high ability and capacity. People often have this opinion because art like : sport, painting and poetry are considered as professions and specialities that require perfection when exercising. In order to get a groundbreaking painting or an original peotry, most of people trust in reliable professionals.
As we have seen, there are no easy answers to this question, on balance however, I tend to believe that everyone is allowed to practise the kind of art he likes since this permits him to follow his passion and makes him feel comfortable.Hey @student_univers! You got a pretty solid argument here, really there's only repeat spelling issues and the lack of a clear "thesis" or claim. Starting with the most important issue here, being your thesis. One major thing you never want to do in an argumentative essay is "sit on the fence" or try to take a neutral stance.
In your last paragraph where you stake your opinion you start off on the fence then save yourself by saying exactly how you feel. I'd recommend taking out the part "As we have seen, there are no easy answers to this question" as you need to make a direct claim, not state that there is no easy way to make a claim. Keep the remaining portion of your claim however, since you give them a direct answer that answers the prompt of giving your opinion. Besides your thesis issue, the only remaining issues would be repeat spelling errors and some use of cliche statements. I mean no disrespect correcting you, I only intend to help.
So,with this in mind, many times you use the word "Practice", so all you have to do is fix the "S" in each use of the word and you'll be good there! In the first paragraph, I'd recommend changing "making art is a specialty" to "making art is an inherently natural thing that can't be learned" as a specialty CAN be learned, against the beliefs of the individuals taking this side. Directly after that, I'd recommend fixing "able to carry ..." to "able to create art regardless of inherent skill".
In your third paragraph, I'd recommend looking over the sentence "...because art like: sport, painting and poetry are considered professions and specialties that require perfection when exercising". The use of the colon is unnecessary as the list provided is quite short and could be separated by use of normal comas. Secondly, I'd recommend taking out the words "specialties" and "professions" as both of these describe things that many people CAN do regardless of natural ability, which goes against this sides argument of not being able to learn art. Regarding the last sentence of your third paragraph, completely change the sentence " In order to get a ..." to something much more natural, such as " For many individuals, the making of art that is considered "groundbreaking" requires immense skill and effort to be put into its creation; work and effort that would be better spent by someone who is talented in art".
Other than that, just look over your capitalization at the beginning of each sentence to make sure it's properly capitalized and review the spelling of some words such as "Compulsory" in paragraph 3, line 1. Good luck and hope this helps!
