the whole level of the college will improve
will be improved
thier major study.
thier? their! I think you can use Microsoft Word to correct such spelling mistakes.
sophomopre
sophomore
After a compitition
"through an intense compitition" I suppose it's better
thier alma mater
It is good that u use "alma mater" , which comes from Latin Words. But with so many selling mistakes above, I think you should put more effort on your spelling less sophiscated words.
Meanwhile, thoes successful graduates
"those"
I'm not a native speaker. So that's all I can help you. Some people will further edify your essay. Be patient.
You have a clear and organized thought, which is good. I think you should practice your writing skills and spelling.