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Art museums and music performance centers or recreational facilities?


s033591 7 / 8  
Mar 19, 2011   #1
Do you agree or disagree that with the following statement? It's more important for the government to spend
money to build art museums and music performance center than to build recreational facilities
(such as swimming pool, playgrounds).

I think both of them are equally important to satisfy the needs of people and of course there is no one can deny the significance of them. However, I think there should be a priority for recreational facilities rather than the other one.

For recreational facilities, they are open and even free to people and a government only need to spend less money than building an art museum. And therefore, from economical factor, the government spend a small amount of money and all the people live there can be directly benefited by these facilities. Furthermore, people could have better physical condition and unlikely to get sick. Hence, building recreational facilities is really a preferred choice for a government.

However, in addition of outdoor activities, indoor activities are evenly dispensable. Though some of the performance may charge, there are still some people willing to pay for their requirements for entertainment and relaxation. For example, I like to play basketball outdoor but also I love to enjoy the atmosphere of a piano performance. As a result both of them are considered an important role to balance my tedious life at school.

In conclusion, it is not proper to judge which one may dominate because it is not necessary to build another art museum or recreational facility if one of them is saturated in certain area. So, in my opinion, if a country lack both, I will recommend them to build recreational facilities first because they are basic needs for local people.

sabrinayaa 12 / 22  
Mar 20, 2011   #2
I think you should write in a formal way rather than a less formal way, like you had better use therefore instead of so .
Y529 2 / 6  
Mar 21, 2011   #3
1...and are unlikely to get sick.

2.However, in addition of outdoor activities, indoor activities are evenly(??) dispensable.

I have some confusions here:
you say indoor activities are not necessary(dispensable) but your example below:'love to enjoy the atmosphere of a piano performance', 'both of them are considered an important role to balance my tedious life at school'... seems that indoor activities are necessary in life.

@_@?
taylor kong 5 / 8  
Mar 21, 2011   #4
hello,
i saw your essay, here is some ideas:
- you have less evidence to support your essay, and some places confused me, i don't know what you want to talk about!
-according to the rule of toefl test, Number of words in your article does not meet the requirements
-i think you should make a writing templates to improve your essay from entirely.

good luck!
mintchoco 4 / 11  
Mar 21, 2011   #5
i agreed w/ Taylor, you definitely need to provide more examples to support your point.

Actually, i think the beginning is good, you clearly stated your choice. You should develop this more by giving readers supportive evidences.

I don't think the money thing in your second paragraph is very persuasive. It seems like that you wrote this only because this is in the topic. And "a government only need to spend less money than building an art museum." --how do you make sure? This sounds like a guess to me.

Lastly, the last paragraph is a little weird. I think the first sentence is unnecessary and weaken your main point. Maybe rewrite the last paragraph to well connect back to your first paragraph to make your point stronger.


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