Hi, could you please help with my essay as this is my 2nd try for the CBEST writing section. Could you tell me where can I improve and point out my mistakes.
Some have argued that occupations that focus on creative expressions(artists, poets and musicians) are not as important as occupation that emphasize analytical expression(lawyers, doctors, engineers). To what extent do you agree or disagree with this argument. support your opinion with specific examples.
Today, there are myriad career options in the world from being an art critic, a animator,a choreographer to a surgeon, a chartered accountant etcetera. Occupations that focus on creative expressions(artists, poets and musicians) are not as important as occupation that emphasize analytical expression(lawyers, doctors, engineers) is a controversial one. Some believe that one should choose a career which will allow one to creatively express themselves. While others believe that an occupation where one applies logical reasoning followed with good monetary returns is the best. After a careful thought, I some what disagree with the statement because as children, we were told that whatever you do in life, you should be content and do it with full enthusiasm. We should follow our dreams and respect each and every work as no job is small or insubstantial.
Who decides which occupation is the best? Which career guarantees complete success? Which career is the most satisfying? Everyone has different answers depending upon how they perceive their jobs. A person who is satisfied with his job and is motivated to grow in that particular field has chosen the best career path for himself even if it involves creativity or logical reasoning. Today, there are various career options where one gets to express themselves creatively. They get to express their ideas and emotions through a variety of mediums like paintings, dance and music. With the increase in technology, their creativity is spreading like fire and they are being appreciated for their work and also doing financially very well.
It is my belief that one should choose a career based on their interest and passion. My classmate Ria in high school was a trained dancer and had won many competitions in school. In our last year, we had a career orientation fair where we had to choose a particular field. Most of us had chosen commerce or science because we were naive as everyone told us that career ins science or commerce would be the best for us. Ria was the only who selected Arts as she wanted to become a dancer. Soon we all became busy in pursuing our respective careers. After 7 years, I accidentally bumped into Ria at the Mall and she told me that she was a choreographer with Digital Films production house. She also shared her experiences of performing live and how she organized TV and stage shows. She was doing very well for herself as she soon was starting her own dance academy.
Some people are born talented with multiple intelligences. If motivated and given the right advice and support, they grow up to be successful in the career they chose for themselves. With their extra ordinary qualities they can also achieve great success in those fields. If Eminem was asked to be an engineer and Sundar Pichai to be a singer, I am sure they would not be that successful as they are in their respective fields. Lot of examples of musicians and artist are there like Britney Spears, Michael Jackson, Shakira, Lata Mangeskar and many famous artists which can be taken into account to prove that they are doing equally good or better than people of other occupations.