Hi everyone i am appearing in the SAT exam please grade my essay from 1 to 6. And i appreciate the criticisms and people pointing my mistakes because that's the way of learning. Please point my mistakes if there is any and Thank you all in advance for reading my essay!
ESSAY
Assignment: Is it important to question the ideas and decisions of people in positions of authority? Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on the issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your reading, studies, experience, or observations.
Through a lot of criticisms and debate we tend to find a palatable solution to a problem but yet should we question the authorities to find a resolution? Majority advocates this idea but others look this idea into different perspective. For instance, the rapid hyperinflation in Bangladesh and also the skyrocketing accounting fraud in Bangladesh which was discovered by the Bangladesh board of audit committee support this thesis invariably.
Before the hyperinflation governments were in-cognizant of their future of the policies they have taken. The governments heightened the spending and the budget deficit and took all the necessary requirements to boost the income in the economy but when economists admonished them about their policies the governments simply ignored them but when they saw a rapid hyperinflation attacking the economy ferociously the finance minister resigned as a result and the people of Bangladesh since then learned a lesson to not to trust the government's decision and that authorities can sometime make mistakes.
Another example which supports this thesis is when the Bangladesh accounting fraud took recently. Before the accounting fraud government condoned the policy of making it legal to not audit the yearly financial statements and the companies took the advantage of this policy by a deceptive game and avoiding taxes legally. Later when Dr. Younus a noble prize winning social enterprise broke into the corruption circle he informed the crime branch and when the investigation concluded by the crime branch massive billions of dollars were thought to be avoided in taxes! Finally the governments took steps to reduce corruption in future.
To sum up, it is always wrong to think that authorities are always right after all we all know that people make and are bound to make mistakes. By questioning and debating the authorities' decisions we can avoid the negative consequences and make a better decision which will benefit everyone.
I wanted to provide you with as much detail as possible to make your essay better. Everything seems to be organized but there are some errors present that I have tried to assist you with.
In the first paragraph, this second sentence seems to be confusing. Did you mean to express that a majority of advocates support this idea, but others have a different perspective?
In the second paragraph, you should delete the hyphen in "incognizant". The second sentence has many issues. This is a sentence with very little punctuation so your ideas seem to be a bit confusing. Here is how you can change it:
1) Think about what you want to express to your reader.
2) Do you want to discuss the budget deficit then what economists admonished them about their policies? If you make this into two sentences, you can avoid a run-on sentence. Use a transition word such as "However", to discuss what the economists admonished.
3) When you add, "but when" you are linking ideas together which can work, but there are too many ideas in the sentence. By simply deleting these words and forming a new sentence, you can avoid a run-on sentence.
I am going to help you change two sentences in your paragraph:
"The finance minister resigned as a result and the people of Bangladesh learned some lessons. First, they learned not to trust the government's decision."
The next sentence use: "Second" as a transition word to discuss that the authorities can make mistakes.
In the third paragraph, when you discuss accounting fraud you say took recently. Did this take place recently? If this occurred, you can put "place" after took. You can delete the before advantage. You need a comma after Younus and enterprise.* Also, I had to look up his last name, place "entrepreneur" after enterprise in this sentence.
*When you want to describe a detail or introduce something that is off-topic you can add a comma (i.e. nobel prize winning). This detail can be included in the sentence and it works better with these commas.
4th paragraph: I prefer using, "In summary" when I want to summarize facts. I think this last paragraph needs to be revised because it is unclear. It seems as if you want to describe to the reader that people are bound to make mistakes. Also, place a comma after decisions and delete "the" in the last sentence.
