IELTS: Athletes are very magnificent and important role models for people in their young ages.

Essay
TOPIC:
You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.
Some people think that professional athletes make good role models for young people, while others believe they don't.

Discuss both these points of views and give your own opinion.
Write at least 250 words.

ANSWER:

Nowadays, there are a lot of professional athletes which reached big achievements. Some people think that they influence on children in an adverse ways on young generation. While others believe that they play a tremendous role in the children's lives and that they are awesome examples of people to follow.

There are many significant arguments in support of public who are in the side of sportsmen. They are remarkable examples of how important is hard working to succeed in a various types of spheres. Also, they represent to children from toddlers to teenagers significant factors of success such as teamwork, discipline and setting goals. Furthermore, they demonstrate us that nothing is impossible. Consequently, strength, speed and achievements of some athletes can inspire a lot of people to resemble them, so sportsmen can become children's heroes.

On the other hand, some athletes can be adverse examples to follow. Because when sportsmen gain some achieves they also get money. Some of them cannot resist to this kind of temptation and they can become proud and helpless people. Moreover, athletes gain a fame which is also can make them very arrogant. Hence, kids may think that money and fame are the most important things in a life.

In conclusion, in my opinion, good sides of sportsmen overweight bad sights. I think healthy lifestyle and very high aims are one of the most considerable features of people that everybody must have. These and many beneficial aptitudes have a lot of athletes, so they are very magnificent and important role models for people in their young ages.

This is good essay, however


repetead for times. It can make reader uninterest to finish your essay. If you are wiling, you can change it. One of my suggestion is by reading many English authentic writing.

Good luck :)

here, you need one more sentence,

while + sentence + sentence, without sentence connector between these sentences

This is a poor beggining :( You should begin your essay with a catchy sentence that is meaningful and relevant to your topic.
My suggestion;
Nowadays, there are many professional athletes who have become the role models for young people.


Well, it is better you come up with such arguments first. I mean, you should open your body para with such argument and then support that with a specific example. That helps you convince your reader better.