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toefl--athletic departments should receive the same amount of funding as libraries


monicacho 3 / 18  
Jul 31, 2010   #1
University athletic departments should receive the same amount of funding as university libraries.

Some of people say that university do not need to give more money to athletic department. However, I think that university should give athletic department the same amount of funding as university libraries. I have two specific reasons for my opinion. To invest in athletic make students be healty and it improve students' social skills.

First of all, university fund the same amount of money as libraries can make students do exercise more than before. Many students want to exercise for their health, but they can not do it well. Because they are hectic school' subjects and reports, and gyms are not close their dormitory and classes. It make them do exercise hardly. If university set more gyms and exercising place, students can do exerceise more easily. Not only the student stay healthy, but also the students increase achievement of their study. For example, I was that I caught a cold easily, and I was so tired easily when I was in my junior high school. I could not concentrate on my study. When I study, I kept running nose and stuff my nose. I sit over 2 hours on my desk, I could not keep stay their because my back was so hurt. While I started to exercise, I could sit more than before, and my score was increased in my school.

Moreover, sports activities foster students' social skills. Some of sports is one person can alone, but the others need to teamwork such as soccer, basketball, and so on. When they play together, they learn how much important following their rules, and they play the games they learn cooperation. According to some research, people who enjoy playing sports adapt to community more well than people do not enjoy playing sports. This is because enjoying sports people meet lots of obstacles when they play sports with the other, they learn how they solve the problems at that time. Likewise they treat thier problem in their school or work, and they keep a good relationship with their friends and co-workers.

In brief, some people think about funding money to athletic department is waste money, but it will bring to us lots of benefits. I definitely believe that the university invest athletic department as same amout as university libraries attiributes the students' study and their social skills.

OP monicacho 3 / 18  
Jul 31, 2010   #2
Thank you Maria~

I learn lots of thing from you~

I still make mistakes a lot..
I analyzed this time more carefully..
I made single and plural mistakes, and active and passive... and so on..
I will memorize it next time, and I didn't hear of out of subject this time.
It is good thing for me~ : )

However I have a question.
Not only do the students stay healthy, but also the students also increase achievement in their studies.

Dosen't it need subject in first phrase?? It looks like imperative sentence.
Yayz 10 / 121  
Jul 31, 2010   #3
Not only do the students stay healthy, but the students also increase achievement in their studies.

"the students" is the subject. They stay healthy and the increase achievement.
I don't really see how the sentence seems imperative, there isn't any command, it is just a simple statement of what students do
OP monicacho 3 / 18  
Jul 31, 2010   #4
Actually I can't understand why you put 'do' there??
Can you explain to me easier??
Yayz 10 / 121  
Jul 31, 2010   #5
Because "Not only the students stay healthy, but the students also increase achievement in their studies." means "There are other people or things that stay healthy and increase achievement," but I think that you mean "Sports allow students to stay healthy and increase their achievement" so you have to adjust the wording of the sentence to clarify your message and since you used the prase "not only," well, in English, this is typically followed by a form of some verb like "to do" such as "Not only do the students" or "Not only does the student" or "Not only can the student" or "Not only is the student able to" and so forth. Point is, left the way it is, that sentence muddles up your meaning so you have to rework it somehow to get the correct meaning by adding a verb. Does that help?
OP monicacho 3 / 18  
Jul 31, 2010   #6
yep~ I got it what you meant right now~!!

I usually read 'not only that, but also...' or 'not only noun , but also'
something like that... so I didn't see much: 'not only do or is , but also..'

I appreciate so much, you correct me.
Thanks a lot~!! : )
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,335 129  
Aug 2, 2010   #7
Maria is awesome. I keep seeing her help people and give impressive advice. we should rename this website EssayMariaForum

Not only do the students stay healthy, but the students also increase achievement in their studies.--- this is good. This approach to writing a sentence is difficult for English Language Learners, and even when no language barrier is present I still don't like it. I wanted to suggest that people might have an easier time doing it this simple way:

Not only do the Students stay healthy, and in addition to that they also increase achievement in their studies.
OP monicacho 3 / 18  
Aug 3, 2010   #8
I try to learn something new~!! :)
I had learned 'not only,but also' in my junior high school, but I'm not used to use it nowadays... ;(
I like to make a essay clear, but I heard they who toefl scoring people look at lots of essay, so don't make them too bored...

Do you think to make meaning clear is enough??
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,335 129  
Aug 4, 2010   #9
Do you think to make meaning clear is enough??

The meaning is clear. You can express ideas, but you are ready now to make the verbs and nouns all perfect. I think you should type the essay again and make the changes Maria suggested.

Here is an example:
Some of people say that university do not need to give more money to athletic department.
It should be plural:
Some of people say that universities do not need to give more money to their athletic departments.

So... make those corrections based on Maria's feedback and see if you can fix all the errors.
OP monicacho 3 / 18  
Aug 6, 2010   #10
I rewrote with my notebook already, because it looks easier than screen.. so... hahaha~
I think retyping should be necessary to me...
I have to do lots of something to do... ; (
My toefl test is coming soon... this month...
I have to study 4 subjects...
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,335 129  
Aug 7, 2010   #11
Good luck on the test!

Ha ha, I don't want to add to your list of things to do. I get curious sometimes, though, about how easy it is to use the corrections people make for you here. I think learning a new language must be very confusing as you try to figure out why the rules of grammar are the way they are.

:-)


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