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Attending university is now mandatory for student to be accepted for better work


batais 6 / 14  
Oct 10, 2013   #1
I am preparing for IELTS writing test and I would appreicate your support to correct my essay. please feel free to correct it they way you want so i can imporove my writing skills.

It is obvious that people or students attend college for many reasons. Some attend to learn new knowledge, others attend for gaining a degree and others for improving their skills.

The university is considered as new experience for the student where he/she can learn new knowledge. There are a variety of information student can learn such as physics, math, sience, etc. The student also will enjoy selecting their own topic and will enjoy the interaction with other new students as well as professional teachers.

On the other hand, other students attend university for the sake of degree. Which will help them to get a good job with better salary. Because the world today put too much value on the degree of university specially from a well known universities. Moreover, the higher the grade point average the bigger the chance for better job and salary.

Some of high school graduate student attend university in order to gain new skills. For instance, those who join music class, paints, etc. the more skills student gain the wider job opportunity they may get.

In conclusion, joining college or university for newly high school graduated students is highly considered for many reasons. Either to gain knowledge, get a dgree or to improve their skills. Attending university is now mandatory for student to be accepted for better work.
dumi 1 / 6,927 1592  
Oct 10, 2013   #2
Some attend to learn new knowledge

Some attend to gain new knowledge .... gain knowledge/ acquire knowledge

Some attend to learn new knowledge, others attend for gaining a degree and others for improving their skills.

Some attend college to gain new knowledge while others have different objectives in doing so like enhancing their credentials, developing skills etc.
tishca2013 3 / 4  
Oct 10, 2013   #3
Hi, I am trying to write few word , please let me know my mistakes and correct me.
dumi 1 / 6,927 1592  
Oct 10, 2013   #4
Hi tishca2013 - You need to open a new thread and post your writing there. As per the forum rules, you are not supposed to post your essays in others threads. Practically, it would not help you any good feedbacks too as others do not see your topic in this thread. Also it is unfair by the person who belongs the thread too...So, I'll be deleting your essay here. Please open a new thread using the "New Thread" button at the top (right) in this screen. Type a meaningful topic in the "Subject". Include your prompt in the essay and post it to the "Writing Feedback" forum.
OP batais 6 / 14  
Oct 14, 2013   #5
Thank you so much for the comment. i will apply your comment on my next article. I have rewrite the article again and I will post it soon. I hope this time will be much better.
Kjerry 4 / 7  
Oct 29, 2013   #6
Use for instance or for example instead of ect
OP batais 6 / 14  
Nov 5, 2013   #7
thank you sir


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