Unanswered [1] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 2

More attention should be paid on how people live - the society, people migrates from place to place


mumtazdinar 12 / 15 12  
Mar 18, 2015   #1
In the past, people usually stayed in one place throughout their lives. These days, people move more around. They often live in several places in their life time.

Agree or Disagree?
==============================================


More attention should be paid on how people live. Many a person thinks that people in the past were more likely to live in a same place. While it is utterly true to some extent as they wanted to be close with their families, other people argue that people today tend to move to other places because they want to improve their quality lives. However, I strongly believe that living in the many places is difficult for some people.

...

EF_Jasmine - / 68 39  
Mar 18, 2015   #2
In the past, people usually stayed in one place throughout their lives. These days, people move more around. They often live in several places in their life time.

Agree or Disagree?
==============================================

Place an introduction sentence here about how people staying in one place and moving around motivates your opinion on how more attention should be paid on how people live> More attention should be paid on how people live. Many a person thinks that people In the past (people) were more likely to live in a (the) same place. While it is utterly true to some extent as they that wanted to be close with to their families, others people argue that people today tend to move to other (alternate) places because they want to improve their quality lives. However, I strongly believe that living in the many places is difficult for some people. ( You use persons and people 4 times, try to reduce using the same words over:))

In modern era, staying in many places gives many advantages. Firstly First, when people need to earn a high income, they have to move from their villages to the city because they have many choices of job, and they can apply the job which provides a better salary. Secondly (Second), people will meet see? new environments( People can not meet environments, meeting is more like a person to person statement ). They can learn many cultures and customs in their new places. Thirdly ( Third), people will receive new information when they live in the new town because their news facilities are different than their previous home town. Hence, moving around to many places will bring benefits. to people.

Apart from these tangible advantages, living in many regions gives negative impacts. People who want to move to other places have to prepare many things such as their mental(health) and finance(s). If people tend to go to some go places, they will also bring their families. They Families moving should encourage their families to adapt for (to the) new habitat. It is very essential, because they usually experience real culture shock. Likewise, money is the most important factor when people move around( <repetitive.You do not need this sentence because you already told us "finances") . They should buy many goods to support their daily needs in the new place. It is widely recognised that moving around should be under consideration. (Please consider using an alternate word for they)

For this reasons mentioned above, it seems to me that although people are more likely to live in many different places, they have to take this into consideration before they make a decision to move around. It is imperative that people should be well-prepared when they want to move to other places with their families because it is not easy to change our live environment.

Hi! Great start! I see you have some strong valid points! You have a great argument! What I noticed is you are using repetitive words like "they" and "persons" and "people" and "It". Try using these word less than twice, and find an alternate word to replace, it will make your essay an easier read. I have placed suggestions for your next draft. Good luck!


Home / Writing Feedback / More attention should be paid on how people live - the society, people migrates from place to place