The Attic Hatch is a circulation place where the largest amount of heat is lost

The diagram shows how heat is lost and energy wasted in a house because of air getting into and out of the house.

Air leaks and heat loss in houses

Writing Task 1, Unit 5D, Page 35

The diagram reveals the information about the way of air leaks into and out of the dwelling. Overall, the most obvious facts that are, Attic Hatch is a circulation place where the largest amount of heat losts. In addition, dining room is a place where largest amount of air leaks in because there are several gaps that air can leak into the dwelling.

To begin with, there are various different types of rooms where energy wasted in a house. Firstly, in outdoor fauet through small gaps in a tap, while in a dryer room, air leaks not only in from a small pipe, but also through ventilation. Secondly, air leaks through electrical outlet in bathroom. Lastly, dining room and kitchen room have the same circulation where air leaks through window, but air can also leak through some gaps in a door, in dining room.

On the other hand, the air leaks out of the house through several gaps. Firstly, it gets out through bathroom fan vent and recessed light above the bath room. Secondly, there is also recessed light that can be a medium to air leaks above kitchen room. Thirdly, attic hatch provides a large gaps above dining room to lost the heat. (204 words)

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Hi Septia,

I think this essay has clearer prompt than Ajeng did. Mentioning the clear prompt can help the reader in reading and checking your essay. However, please take a closer look on my feedback in the detailed descriptions below.

1st paragraph:
- Overall, the most obvious facts that arefact is that , Attic Hatch is a (...) amount of heat losts .
- In addition, dining room is a place where largest amount of air leaks(repetitive as like the previous sentence) in because there ...

2nd paragraph:
- Firstly, inthe air from the outdoor faucetgo through small gaps ...
... same circulation where air leaks through window, but air can also leak through some gaps ...

Your paragraph structure was already good. Yet, I can still notice some repetitiveness in the words usage. You are suggested to use synonyms and paraphrase your sentences. If you feel stuck, try to switch or use various type of sentences either active or passive sentences. This would be helpful in improving your lexical resource score. :)

HELLO MISS SEPTI :) LET ME GIVE YOU SOME CORRECTIONS :)

... the largest amount of heat losts =>LOST .

Firstly, in outdoor fauet=> FAUCET through small gaps (...) in from a small pipe,=>(UNCESSARY COMMA) but also through ventilation.

... light above the bath room=>BATHROOM.
Thirdly, attic hatch provides a large gaps=> A LARGE GAP[/b ] above dining ...

[b]KEEP WRITING :)