Unanswered [3] | Urgent [0]

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 3

'Attitude for the changing world' Ielts Writing Task 2

dinhquangthinh 2 / 2  
Nov 6, 2011   #1
Thank you so much for helping me

Some people prefer to spend their lives doing the same things and avoiding change. Others, however, think that change is always a good thing.
Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

In our last fifty years, the pace of change in human life has been beyond our imagination. That has been impacted by the development of technology. However, the more things are created, the more matters are destroyed. Therefore, someone wants stay unchanged, while others believe that changes are always beneficial. This essay will take a brief look in both two views.

People who want to keep their living pace stable base their argument on the price of change. In some cases, improvement in technology causes labor-saving. Telegraph was a perfect illustration. In late 1930s, well over half a million telegrams were being sent per day in the US. However, after the growth of telephone, it displaced the telegraph as the best tool for remote communication. As a result, a great deal of Morse code operators lost their jobs. As for this sample, even if people resist themselves from changing, they couldn't prevent the world from changing. Sooner or later they have to adapt or lose their things.

Nevertheless, the inevitable change does not mean that it is always for the better. People will not forget the day the United States conducted two atomic bombings against the cities of Hiroshima and Nagasaki in Japan. So far, nuclear weapon still has been a terrible danger of human distinct. Moreover, invading privacy is an obvious inconvenience of digital world. With a cell phone, people can easily take private videos of others before posting them on Youtube. Worse than that, government could listen any civilian's phone calls that it regards.

In a nutshell, changing is an inescapable matter of our life. However, not any change gets a better outcome. Therefore, better preparation will help us avoid inconveniences in this life.
soshianet 16 / 47  
Nov 6, 2011   #2
However, the more things are created, the more matters are destroyed.
Therefore, someone wants TO stay unchanged
A nuclear weapon still has beenIS a terrible danger of human distinct
could listen TO any civilian's phone calls that it regards.

ieltsbuddy - / 1  
Nov 7, 2011   #3

I'll give you a bit of feedback on your content.

I think you are going off topic with your answer. You seem to be focusing on technology and wider issues that affect the world. This essay is more about change on a personal basis as it talks about people 'spending their lives doing the same things'. So talking about telegrams, nuclear bombs and invading privacy, for instance, are not answering the question.

For the first side of the argument you would need to explain why some people like to keep things the same. For example, some people not wanting to change their jobs, and why they avoid this i.e. it provides security. Then, for the other side, you would need to put forward the arguments for why personal change can be a positive thing by, for example, discussing how new experiences help to build a persons confidence and maturity.

You also must make sure you clearly give your opinion as well as it asks you to do this in the question. You can do this within the body paragraphs or in the conclusion.

Hope that helps,

Home / Writing Feedback / 'Attitude for the changing world' Ielts Writing Task 2