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Ielts Essay: Attitude towards 21 century and the world


sissi1987220 3 / 4  
Apr 24, 2011   #1
Some people are optimistic about the 21st century and see it as an opportunity to make positive changes to the world. To what extent do you agree ?

There is a widespread held perception that we human beings will be better off in the 21st century, but I tend to disagree.

Admittedly, people today are having much better lives in terms of their living standards, compared to the lives a century ago. The invention of computer and the Internet has enabled both contacts between the loved ones in faraway distance and international trade. The medical advancements have saved millions of patients who suffered from illnesses which were deadly before. Most of all, the technological development has brought us so much joy and convenience, such as ipods and iphones.

However, all these above mentioned points do not justify the viewpoint that there will always be positive changes in the world. There are two reasons that support my opinion. For one thing, It is an indisputable fact that the environment on this planet is deteriorating at an alarming rate and so far there is no effective solutions. For example, the greenhouse gases, which mainly resulted from the emission from cars, or airplanes, have almost doubled during the past 20 years, despite the increasing effort made by international community. This is partly because today, a greater number of people can afford private cars and budget flight due to the more advanced technology.

For another, according to recent survey, individuals' sense of happiness is much lower than that of a hundred years ago, which is not resulted from a single cause, but a combination of several factors: the widening gap between the rich and the poor, the increasingly fierce competition in job market, and the rising living cost in big cities. Personally, I doubt there are immediate solutions to all of these problems. In fact, I tend to believe these issues will even have greater impact on people's lives in future.

To sum up, I once upon reaffirm my opinion, given all these existing problems, which are nearly impossible to be resolved in the near future, we should not be overoptimistic about the 21st century.
ajit88rai 22 / 188 3  
Apr 26, 2011   #2
-structure of your essay needs to be refined my friend... your introduction is tooooo short. an essay is ,like all other things, built on a foundation...ur intro provides the necessary platform n in IELTS I think you need to have a good structured essay...

-To sum up, I once upon (again) reaffirm my opinion, given all these existing problems, which are nearly impossible to be resolved in the near future, we should not be overoptimistic about the 21st century.

ur reasons are good n grammar is also great I think.. just find a good essay structure to get yourself going.
good luck,
Ajit Rai
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Apr 26, 2011   #3
Okay, this essay is almost perfect. You really do not need any help, because it is a very powerful argument. You really did a great job by any standards.

For example, the greenhouse gases, which mainly resulted result from the emission from cars, or airplanes, have almost doubled during the past 20 years, despite the increasing effort made by international community.---Ha ha, this is the only correction I can make! You write very well, and any reader will recognize that you have great command of language.

One way to improve is to write a longer conclusion. If you have a GREAT argument, you probably cannot stop talking about it... you probably have a lot to say. So say a little more at the end. With the great argument, you earned the right to rant a little at the end and offer the reader something "extra" to think about.

:-)
start208 14 / 68  
Apr 26, 2011   #4
I apreciate your Essay so much;yet, as my collegue says you introduction and the conclusion are to short.
good luck.
OP sissi1987220 3 / 4  
Apr 27, 2011   #5
Ajit Rai, Kevin and Start208,

Thank you so much for your advice and encouragement, because one of my friends said I didn't address the topic properly, so I may have a 5 for Task response...

But your words just make me feel so much better, and I do agree that my start and conclusion is a little bit short, I will try to improve them.

:)
cathyliu 19 / 54  
Apr 28, 2011   #6
There is a widespread held perception that we human beings will be better off in the 21st century...

Admittedly, people today are having much better lives in terms of their living standards, compared to the lives a century ago.

...living much better lives ...
comparing with (the living standards several centuries ago)

all these above mentioned points

all points mentioned above

Overall, a paper good at the arguments.


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