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"my aunt's weeding" - recent news story affected you the most?


sherry_6711 1 / 5  
Jul 7, 2012   #1
News and stories depend on their nature which is good or bad, can have an effect on our life.One of the new stories which has affected my life was my aunt's weeding.She finally got married at the age of 45 and now I feel happy about her because of some personal reasons.

First,she got married with a person whom she was in love with and they seem to be as a nice couple as they are.

Another reason is about my aunt's personality. She is such an independent person and thinks she have to be alone for whole of her life but sometimes you need someone to be with you in difficult and happy situations in your whole life, someone you can trust and share your feelings with,so, despite her strong opinion about being single in all her life she became convinced and felt that it is essential for humans to share their feelings with someone they like and make love with them.

The third one is about one of the greatest feelings of life which means to be a mother, and now I am happy for her because she is going to experience this beautiful feeling.

To summarize, stories and news affected our life, in a good or bad ways and if we know enough how to behave in a different situations, we can control and confront them in a most suitable way.
ah_zafari [Contributor] 40 / 672 148  
Jul 7, 2012   #2
ah_zafari
News and stories depend on their

Why did you write my name above?? :D This is not my essay !!!
joshuanderitu01 2 / 41  
Jul 7, 2012   #3
she have is has to be alone for whole of her life
OP sherry_6711 1 / 5  
Jul 8, 2012   #4
Dear Mr Zafari,
I try to improve my writing and I know that is not good enough for TOEFL test. I am thankful for your attention to my writing.

Regards
Shirin
ah_zafari [Contributor] 40 / 672 148  
Jul 8, 2012   #5
I try to improve my writing and I know that is not good enough for TOEFL test.

I am sure that u can get a good score in the test, if you work hard. I remember that about two years ago, I could not write even one correct sentence. "Practice" is the key factor for getting better at writing.
OP sherry_6711 1 / 5  
Jul 8, 2012   #6
Dear Mr Zafari,
Thank you for your advice.
Can i rewrite this essay with the same topic?
Regards
Shirin
ah_zafari [Contributor] 40 / 672 148  
Jul 8, 2012   #7
Can i rewrite this essay with the same topic?

Yes, of course, Rewrite it and put it in this thread. Shirin can I ask you something? Are you an Iranian??
dumi 1 / 6,925 1592  
Jul 8, 2012   #8
"Practice" is the key factor for getting better at writing.

Very true... practice is a must to improve writing skills... Also you reading helps you with improving your vocabulary and the enriching your knowledge about different subjects. So, a good writer is always a good reader too. : )
OP sherry_6711 1 / 5  
Jul 8, 2012   #9
Dear Mr Zafari,
Thank you once again.Yes,I am Iranian.
Regards
Shirin

In our life, there are many events or new stories that happen each hour. But only what affect us the most, is important. Recently, the one that has affected me the most is about a woman fighting lung cancer. This story teaches me efficiently how life is valuable and left a great influence on me.

To begin with, this story is about a woman who is diagnosed with lung cancer. She encourages herself and her family to be optimistic and declined that her diseases could not be treated. She tries to spend most of her time with her family and enjoys her life.

Moreover, she does much charitable works to other people. Despite of her pain she is so lively and believes that life is too short and human life is valuable because each single person is not replaceable.

All in all, I greatly appreciate this woman. Indirectly, she taught me a valuable lesson: there are situations in life that are hard to undergo, but nothing is impossible as long as we try to.
ah_zafari [Contributor] 40 / 672 148  
Jul 8, 2012   #10
In our lifelives , there are many events or new stories thatmay happen minute by minute.each hour.But(do not start a sentence with "BUT")However, only whata small number of such events can affect us the most and change our lives, is important. Recently, the one that hasdramaticallyaffected(use synonym like "influence")me the most is about a woman fighting lung cancer.(Revise the structure of this sentence. It is hard to understand. U can write it in this way :"I recently met a woman who was fighting with lung cancer. This essay is about the effect of that woman on my life and the way that she could influence me") This story teachestaught (this event happened at the past, so you should use past tens) me efficiently and showed me how life is valuable and left a great influence on me.

To begin with, this story is about a woman who is diagnosed with lung cancer(u stated this in the introduction, so do not repeat yourself.) . She encouraged herself and her family to be optimistic and declinedshe never thought that her diseases could not be treated (u can use the word "incurable disease") . She was tring to spend most of her time with her family and enjoying her life (Here u should add some sentences to show how these observations could influence u. For example u can talk about the concept of "hope" here ) .

Moreover, she was a sociable person and she was chatting/communicating withdoes much charitable works to other people. Despite of her pain she iswas so lively and believeds that life is too short and human life is valuable because each single person is not replaceable (why did she think like this? Again, how her attitude toward life could affect u? explain and support it) .

All in all, (reword the topic at first) I greatly appreciate this woman who could change my attitude toward the world and life . Indirectly, she indirectly taught me a valuable lesson: there are situations in life that may rarely happenare hard to undergo , but nothing is impossible as long as we try to(I could not understand this sentence????)

U should improve your information about the structure of an essay. Each essay has three main parts: 1) introduction (Motivator+thesis statement+your opinion (if the topic be an "agree or disagree" type+blue print); 2) Body: Write two or three paragraphs to discuss the topic. Each paragraph starts with a topic sentence. Then u should support the topic sentence with examples, statistics, quotations, researches' results,etc. 3) conclusion: Reword the topic or the first paragraph+clincher (ending statement)

If you have any question about the structure that I wrote above, please ask me. I would be happy if I could help u.

Regards
Ahmad
OP sherry_6711 1 / 5  
Jul 8, 2012   #11
Dear Mr Zafari,
Thank you for your revising my grammar and wordings and thank you once again for picking up my mistakes.
Regards
Shirin
joshuanderitu01 2 / 41  
Jul 9, 2012   #13
wheather they are good or bad can have an effect on

i mean't whether they are good or bad can affect on
OP sherry_6711 1 / 5  
Jul 9, 2012   #14
Thanks for all of you to support me here.
Regards
Shirin


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