IELTS Task 1 : Australian children leisure activity

SHanafi 120 / 415

Mar 14, 2014 #1

The graph below gives information about the preferred leisure activities of Australian children.
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The given chart reveals information regarding gender in a preference of leisure among Australian children aged 5-14.

Overall, the Australian children, either boys or girls, does watching television or video as the first chosen for their leisure activities, while skateboarding or rollerblading coming fifth free-time activities with different proportion of each gender.

Regarding the inquiry the differences on the other three categories: bike riding, electronic or computer games, and art-and-craft occurred differently in each gender. First, the attractive noticeable trends is seen in biking and gaming activities as twin trends, eighty per cent Australian boys like biking and gaming while the Australian counterpart doing these activities by 50 per cent. Second, by comparison between boys and girls in art and craft has dissimilar percentage, boys started off crafting more than girls. By 58 percent Australian boys do art and craft whereas 38 per cent girls chosen such activity for their leisure interest.

MisterWandering 18 / 321

130

Mar 14, 2014 #2

The given chart reveals information regarding gender in a preference of leisure among Australian children aged 5-14.

The given bar chart compares the participation of Australian boys and girls aged 5 -14 in five leisure activities in percentage terms.

the Australian children, either boys or girls, does watching television or video as the first chosen for their leisure activities

watching television is the most popular activity among boys and girls.

skateboarding or rollerblading coming fifth free-time activities with different proportion of each gender

skateboarding or rollerblading accounts for the lowest proportion of both genders.

dumi 1 / 6,925

1592

Mar 14, 2014 #3

Overall, the Australian children, either boys or girls, does watching television or video as the first chosen for their leisure activitie

.... you need to pay attention to grammar;
boys or girls do watch / boys or girls watch / boy does watch/ boys do watch

Overall, the Australian children, either boys or girls, does watching television or video as the first chosen for their leisure activities, while skateboarding or rollerblading coming fifth free-time activities with different proportion of each gender.

Overall, the Australian children, both boys and girls, prefer to spend their leisure time watching television or video over other types of leisure activities. The girls take least interest in Skateboarding or rollerblading as a leisure activity while the body are least interested inArt and Craft.

eddies [Contributor] 25 / 1,208

476

Mar 14, 2014 #4

For academic writing and other more formal writing situations, you should avoid fragment sentences

By 58 percent Australian boys do art and craft whereas 38 per cent girls chosen such activity for their leisure interest.

Sentence fragments, incomplete sentences. owl.english.purdue.edu/owl/resource/620/1/

by comparison between

using a wrong preposition
By comparison with.... | No comparison between... and...

Pahan 1 / 1,906

553

Mar 14, 2014 #5

For academic writing and other more formal writing situations, you should avoid fragment sentences

I quite agree with eddies :)

First, the attractive noticeable trends is seen in biking and gaming activities as twin trends, eighty per cent Australian boys like biking and gaming while the Australian counterpart doing these activities by 50 per cent.

"attractive noticeable trends" - the word "attractive" does not provide any meaningful contribution to the presentation of this idea. In fact it destroys the flow of your sentence. Avoid redundant words in sentences.

Both boys and girls have Biking and gaming show similar trends, however, the boys lead girls in their engagement in these leisure activities.