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Australian family's monthly expenditure on food, clothing, transport, electricity and water


Ester Napitupulu 18 / 25 3  
Apr 11, 2016   #1
The table shows an average monthly family expenses in Australia in 1991 and 2001 and is measured in Australian Dollar. At first glance that, with the exception of clothing and transport, Australian family spent money much more in 2001 than 1991.

In 2001, turning first to electricity and water, it was the highest increase of money usage, at 60%. In contrast of this the Australian's family expense for transportation and clothing decreased significantly about 36% and 33% lower than in 1991.

Both in 1991 and in 2001, the biggest expenditure of every Australian family was for non-essential goods and services about 37% in 1991 and 38% in 2001 and others cost remained the same proportion excepted housing and electricity. The dramatic increase in electricity expenditure caused electricity expense as the third highest money cost, which was the fourth position in 1991, whereas clothing was the lowest cost of the all monthly budget of Australian family.



justivy03 - / 2,366 607  
Apr 11, 2016   #2
Hi Ester, I would like to suggest a few modifications on your analysis. Please find below;

- At firsta glance that ,
- more money much more in 2001 than 1991.

- In 2001, turning first towith electricity
- In contrast of thisOn the contrary ( contrast - color / contrary - idea )

-the others cost
- exceptedfor housing
- which was at the fourth
- cost of the all the monthly budget
- of an Australian family.

There you have it Ester, I hope my modifications helped in revising your analysis. Overall, it is a fairly written analysis and there's only a few corrections to be made, for reference, mind the linking verbs as well as the placement of the words you use in the sentences.
suxiaojing 13 / 18 7  
Apr 11, 2016   #3
Hi Ester Napitupulu

Your essay is complete and understandable.but i think you should use more complex sentences to enrich your essay and to grab the examiner's eye.And alos there are some grammatical mistakes,hope you can correct it.For example:

The table shows an average monthly family expenses in ...

you can say like this, the table compares the an average monthly family expenses of Australian residents in 1991 and 2001.Overall, Australian citizens spent much money on the other 5 kinds of item, excepting clothing and transport during this 2 decades.


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