Australian students after education - Essay for academic writing task 1

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The proportion of Australians who continued to study

Topic: The charts show what Australian school leavers did immediately after leaving secondary school. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The pie charts give information about the proportions of Australian students what they did directly after leaving educational institution in the years 1980, 1990 and 2000.

It is noticeable that half of Australian people continued to study after secondary school in 1980 but it declined in twenty years later. Proportionally, we can also see an increase in the proportion of unemployed and employed leavers within 2-decade period.

In 1980, almost 50% of Australian student studied further education but 40% of the rest of students got jobs immediately.However, the figure for advanced level had an sharp decrease and were much less percentage on average than that of the employed people ( with 38% and 50% respectively ) in ten years later.

The proportion of Australians who continued to study had an slight decline by only 1%, while, there was a rise of 5% in the percentage of those who were the employees, from 50% to 55%, in 2000. Unemployed people see rose between 10% in 1980 and 12% in 1990, but that had a twofold decrease in next ten years later.

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Your summary overview is confusing to read. It does not make sense. It is not a clear paraphrase of the original prompt and it lacks vital information for the summary overview. Here is an example of how to do this:

Three pie charts are provided for data measurements. The images represent the percentage of activities that Australian high school graduates enter into. There are 3 categories that were considered for the percentage measurements. The sections provided are: employed, unemployed, and further education. Overall, most of them prefer to continue on to higher education.

Note the 5 sentence representation of the overall information from the pie charts, including the trending statement at the end.

You misuse connecting words throughout the essay:

declined in twenty years later

within A 2-decade period.

the figure for THE advanced level

This error goes on and on for several sentences. Please practice or learn more about when to use or not use connecting words in a sentence.

had an slight decline - had A slight decline (A is used for words starting with consonants, an is used when the word starts with a vowel)