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autobiographical narrative account on "Who am I"


samuraitom 23 / 18  
May 5, 2007   #1
This is probably one of the most difficult essay I had to type since it about me and I don't like typing about me. Critique please. Please help me with the final paragraph, the conclusion. I do not know how to end it. I only have 3 sentences for it and I don't really like the way I wrote it... Suggestion please. Also is it a good autobiographical narrative account?

I'm "name insert here without "." I was born in Vietnam but lived in the United States for most of my life. I am a high school senior and on the verge of graduating and moving on to college. I hope to be majoring in Web Design. Many would say that I am a intelligent and quiet boy. I guess they are mostly correct. Although the question of "Who I am" is a difficult question to answer since I barely know my own self. I just have not uncover all of myself to truly know who I am but I will try my best to explain.

Being from an Asian family, there are high expectations of me. Expectation of making good grades in school and such. I will be the first to go to college as my parents only completed high school so everything is riding on me. My parents would say that the children are the representation of the parents. If the kids do something bad then the parents would look bad. The wisdom that spews from my parents mouths are impressive. My parents shaped me into being an intelligence, obedient boy. They do such a good job that if I even try to skip class or something. My conscience would rack at me and so I can never do anything bad.

My younger years were filled with many friends and fun but now hardly. My quietness and shyness developed probably because I like to observe and listen instead of voicing out. Needless to say that if I did need to talk about something then I would. I like short and quick sentences that gets to the point. If there is something to talk about, then it can usually be summed up into one sentence. A good example of this is me and my best friend on the phone. We talk about new stuff here and there then there is silence since we already know much about each other and end up not saying anything for an extended period of time to find something to talk about. I seek out quiet and empty places since I love to read. I usually cannot read my books in front of others because they are so loud and disrupting.

My best friend said that I had such a grim view of the future. I guess I am a pessimist then. After seeing violence and such happen to innocent people. There was still racist remarks going around. It is in Human DNA to feel superior to other people whether it through comments or actions. It is okay though since the world need pessimist to put optimists' views into ground reality. Since the world cannot all be sunshine and flowers dancing. Both of my parents are also pessimist too so that may have something to do with my personality.

This is some of my personality quirks. Even though with these quirks, I would not change anything about myself. Even though a few faults could be done away with.

EF_Team2 1 / 1,709  
May 6, 2007   #2
Greetings!

I agree that writing about yourself can be tough, but I think you've done an admirable job! I'd be happy to help with some editing suggestions:

Many would say that I am an intelligent and quiet boy.

I guess they are mostly correct, although the question of "Who I am" is a difficult question to answer since I barely know myself. I just have not yet uncovered all of myself

Being from an Asian family, I have high expectations placed on me--expectations of making good grades in school and such.

The wisdom that spews from my parents mouths is impressive. - "Spews" is generally used in a derogatory manner; unless you are meaning to criticize your parents, you might want to choose another way to put it, such as "The wisdom that comes from my parents is impressive."

My parents shaped me into being an intelligent, obedient boy. They've done such a good job that if I even try to skip class or something, my conscience racks at me so that I can never do anything bad.

My younger years were filled with many friends and fun but now less so. My quietness and shyness developed probably because I like to observe and listen instead of voicing out. Needless to say that if I did need to talk about something then I would. I like short and quick sentences that get to the point. If there is something to talk about, then it can usually be summed up into one sentence. A good example of this is my best friend and I on the phone. We talk about new stuff here and there then there is silence since we already know much about each other and end up not saying anything for an extended period of time to find something to talk about. I seek out quiet and empty places since I love to read. I usually cannot read my books in front of others because I find other people so loud and disrupting.

My best friend said that I had such a grim view of the future. I guess I am a pessimist then, after seeing violence happen to innocent people and racist remarks going around. It is in human DNA to feel superior to other people, whether through comments or actions. It is okay, though, since the world needs pessimists to put optimists' views into well-grounded reality. The world cannot all be sunshine and flowers dancing. Both of my parents are also pessimists too so that may have something to do with my personality.

These are some of my personality quirks. Even though a few faults could be done away with, I would not change anything about myself.

If you want to add a bit to the ending, you could say, "Who am I? I am a person who is pretty happy with who I am."

Good work!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com


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