Body I suggestion : A paraphrase of
improving life in your first body would be strengthen your claim on time and energy efficiency of car travel
Apart from this
Apart from its tangible benefit,Apart from this, there are some
hugeconsiderable problems
occurring owing to the improvement of automobiles. Firstly, it causes extreme
ly traffic congestion. If people prefer using the modern cars, they will drive these private cars
on the streets which
affectmay raisethe long traffic congestion. Secondly, such automobiles produce gas emission. These emission
effect will
reducedetractthe fresh air in our environment, then inevitably
increase the risk of Upper Respiratory Track Infections,
a hard disease like ISPA threats human habitats. an infectious respiratory disease caused by bacteria, mycoplasma and fungi.
Aside from my previous suggestions, I am afraid that you failed to provide one of prompt requirements, example(s)/fact, in your second body.To gain a good score, it is necessary to fulfil all of the task responses. Be more peruse further :D