Unanswered [9] | Urgent [0]

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 3

IELTS WRITING TASK 2_ Avantages and Disadvantages of owning a smartphone.

TranNhi 1 / -  
Jul 2, 2020   #1

Pros and cons of smartphones

There is no doubt that owning a smartphone is gaining in popularity. This trend has both positive and negative aspects which will be examined below.

On the one hand, there are some undeniable advantages of owning a modern mobile device. Firstly, it helps people to have more means of communication. My friend, for example, when studying abroad, can either make a phone call or send text messages in the blink of an eye to his parents to keep in touch, instead of sending letters which often took days to reach the destination. Therefore, thanks to smartphones, they can stay connected much more easily, regardless of location. Secondly, by providing a wide range of applications, a smartphone is also a great tool for entertaining. For instance, after a hard-working day, my father usually watches his favorite films or listens to music on Youtube, Spotify and Netflix as a way to relax and relieve his stress.

On the other hand, owning such a cutting-edge gadget also brings numerous disadvantages. The first shortcoming is that smartphone can be highly addictive. For example, many studies and research have shown that American adults utilize their phones excessively in a day to check for new notifications and messages from Facebook or Twitter. This overuse of mobile device has proved to not only interferes with their work but also contribute to anxiety, depression and other mental-health problems. Another major drawback is that smartphone use while driving can increase the risk of car accident. As when the driver decides to check his or her text messages, phone calls and emails, they often take their eyes off the road. Consequently, they fail to keep a proper lookout and to pay attention to surrounding dangers because of distractions caused by the cell phone, and are more like to cause an accident.

In conclusion, although owning a smartphone can assist users in communicating and entertaining, this tendency also causes several negative points.

HuongGiangNguyen 4 / 12  
Jul 2, 2020   #2
I think you should work more on the introduction and conclusion. A good introduction should include background statement, detailed background statement, thesis and outline sentence. A proper conclusion includes summary and restatement of thesis.
Holt [Contributor] - / 9,317 2868  
Jul 2, 2020   #3
The more appropriate number of words for the Task 2 essay is 275-290 words. An essay written within that word count indicates that the writer was more focused on delivering a clear explanation, within the quickest possible time, so that he could begin working on perfecting the content of his essay. Writing any more than that range of words means that you do not really care about the quality and clarity of your work. Your lack of care shows in your work.

The first paragraph is a paraphrase of the original content / prompt. That means, you should have anywhere within 3-5 sentences presented there. You only have 2 sentences that skips over the important discussion points from the original presentation. Your paraphrase is incomplete. That lack of information will affect your TA score as you have not completely developed the discussion presentation in that paragraph.

While you should be presenting at least 2 discussion topics per paragraph, the problem with your presentation is that the second topic in the paragraph is always under developed and little detailed. That is because it is not a reason that directly relates to the previous reason given. For cohesive purposes, you should present 2 topics in one paragraph that support one another discussion wise so that the paragraph becomes completely developed.

The concluding paragraph should never be a single sentence long. You must present it in a manner similar to the opening paraphrase. The paragraph must have 3-5 sentences that represents the restatement of the topic, your discussion reason and evidence, and closing opinion. That is a properly developed discussion summary.

Home / Writing Feedback / IELTS WRITING TASK 2_ Avantages and Disadvantages of owning a smartphone.