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Avantages of watching TV outweight its disadvantages; IInfluence of watching TV


thinhtvdhtm 41 / 97  
Oct 5, 2009   #1
i am preparing for ielts, but i am really worried about my writing? could u give me some comments for this essay, thanks in advance?

pl check for me:grammar, sentence structures, so on

Discussion about advantages and disadvantages of watching television?

There is no doubt that television is one of the most powerful communication in the history of human beings. Due to its appeal, it is difficult for anyone to be able to ignore it; therefore, television has been apart of our lives. Watching television brings us many benefits as well as drawbacks. In this essay, I will analyze both negative and positive influences on ourlives.

On the positive side, there are several advantages from watching television. First of all, watching television is one of the most popular entertainment activities. According to the statistics of a recent survey, in a sample of 1000 children, one hundred percentage of respondents said that they loved watching television in their spare time. Watching television helps people eliminate stress, tension, discomfort. Secondly, people can learn many things from watching television. When watching television, people seem to have chance to know about histories, cultures, lifestyle, which depends on what kinds of programmer they watch.

On the negative side, sometimes, watching television gives people bad influences. Violence is the worst effect of watching television. The more violence people watch, the less sensitive people feel about violence, which can cause of violence in real life. Some people affected by this consequence may do some illegal things without realization. In addition, watching television can destroy communication among people in community. It is natural that the more time people watch, the less time they spend for communicating with others.

In conclusion, personally, I definitely believe that advantages of watching television outweigh disadvantages, and how television influences on our lives depends what people wach, how much they watch, how they respond on what they wach.

niraj /  
Oct 5, 2009   #2
you have written good essay
OP thinhtvdhtm 41 / 97  
Oct 6, 2009   #3
hi niraj. i think that it is a good consequence for your useless comment. and do remember dont do it again
tiantianwenzi 3 / 8  
Oct 6, 2009   #4
In my view, this is really a good essay with clear structure and topic.
i can just pick up one mistake:
one of the most powerful communications
And maybe some comma are unnecessary.
EF_Stephen - / 264  
Oct 6, 2009   #5
There are several grammatical problems with this. It is enough to interrupt the flow of the ideas. For example:

In conclusion, personally, I definitely believe that advantages of watching television outweigh disadvantages, and how television influences on our lives depends what people wach, how much they watch, how they respond on what they wach.

Missing definite articles, use of prepositions where they are not needed, etc.

Overall, it can be an interesting essay. You might want to think about also supporting your statements, like the 100 percent statement. Where did that come from?

The conclusion should also restate the basic points of the argument again. It needs to be longer.
bwenner 1 / 2  
Oct 6, 2009   #6
Unless you were asked to write that way, I would avoid the usage of writing saying "I believe", "I think", etc...

I would add information about the origins of television after the arise of Cinema, and commercial advertisement's role in its explosion. You give lots of information, but you also don't support it with outside sources. Some of your sentence structure is awkward in sound, but I can't pinpoint anything grammatically incorrect that hasn't already been pointed out. Lastly, your concluding paragraph seems a bit disjointed. It does not connect to the paragraph before it well, and it doesn't restate anything from your thesis.
OP thinhtvdhtm 41 / 97  
Oct 7, 2009   #7
dear EF_Stephen [Moderator]!
according to a reading passage in reading ielts i read. 100% children at the age of 8-14 in Australia love watching tv as an entertainment activity.


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