More attention should be paid when it comes to work retirement. While this phenomenon becomes a broaden-horizon these days, the number of retire people are more likely to rise over decades. While this trend leads several factors, I am personally convinced that workers retiring early address some advantages and disadvantages for citizens relating to their future lives.
Honestly, the introduction is hard to understand.
-'More attention should be paid
' needs a noun, I think. e.g. 'More attention should be paid on something
' means 'to increase the range of things that someone knows about, has experienced, or is able to do', so I'm not sure to use it in the sentence.
-Overall, I think that the introduction do not cover all information from the question.