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The average amount of Vietnamese people who studied in France, Russia and in the USA (2000 - 2015)

desunkid 1 / -  
Aug 10, 2018   #1

Vietnamese students studying in different parts of the world

The graph below shows the average number of Vietnamese students studying in France, Russia and
America between 2000 and 2015.

The line graph illustrates the average amount of Vietnamese people studied in France, Russia and the US over a period of 15 years starting from 2000.

Overall, it is clear that while the Vietnamese students in both France and America increased significantly, the opposite was true for Russia. Besides, the figure for the US was highest during the period.

In 2000, there was an average of nearly 3.5 million Vietnamese students in France, in comparison with around 3.5 million and 1.5 million students in Russia and America respectively. Over the next five years, the number of people studied in France and Russia fall by approximately 1 million. By contrast, the figure for Vietnamese students in the US witnessed a considerable increase of roughly 2 million.

From the year 2005 onwards, it can be seen that the average number of Vietnamese students in the US increase sharply and reach a peak of 5 million in 2015. Oppositely, the figure for Russia decreased to its lowest point in 2010, nearly 1.5 million, which was followed by a gradual increase to about 2.5 million in 2015. During the same period, there was a rapid increase in the figure for Vietnamese students in France after experiencing a stability from 2005 to 2010.

P/s: I'm a beginner in Ielts and it's my first time I write a task 1 essay. Thanks in advanced.

Holt - / 7,529 2001  
Aug 11, 2018   #2
Dang, you have written too many words for this essay. Remember that editing time is required in order to perfect the essay before you submit it for a grade. Since you have to handwrite the essay, you need to make ample time allowance for the editing task. Do not write more than 175-200 words for this 150 minimum word task. Otherwise, you will end up submitting the essay without having edited it, so the mistakes you made will remain in the final essay presentation and lower your overall score.

You have an otherwise excellent summary overview for this essay. The only lacking information was that you did not include the reference to the information that the number of students was counted in the millions. That is part of the overall information presented in the essay and was the only important data that you missed offering in the summary overview. Not to worry though, your presentation was still good. It is understandable that you will tend to miss a piece of information here and there since this is your first time writing such an essay. I won't ding you for it.

I admire your ability to present a paragraph composed of properly developed complex sentences. You did not have any awkward transition presentations and each paragraph came across as cohesive and coherent. This is something that most students fail to do during their first time writing the Task 1 essay. However, I have to caution you about using actual figures in this instance. Most of the tips of the lines fall in-between the actual numbers so you need to use estimate references such as more or less, appears to be, or estimated at, and other variations thereof. If the numerical data is not definite, then you should not be specific either. This is one time when a "guesstimate" is acceptable in the presentation.

Now, you seem to have missed the intersectional discussion point of the essay. That is, the data for the increase in Vietnamese enrollment in America crosses through France and Russia as well in the year 2015. Note where America crosses into the line of each individual country and do a comparison discussion pertaining to those as it shows that there was a point in time, from 2005 to perhaps 2008 when the enrollments were the same number for the USA, France, and Russia.

Those type of information can easily be seen during the review process. These information also help to increase your overall score as you will be making comparisons where the data requires it or allows you to do so. Never neglect to look for the small comparison points, your final score will thank you for it.

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