THE AVERAGE ATTENDANCE OF TOP-LEVEL SOCCER LEAGUES

I am going to take an IELTS test maybe 3 three months from now, and writing is my most fear part -.-!!!!! Please help me improve my writing skill. Thanks for all your help. :)

THE LINE GRAPH ILLUSTRATES THE AVERAGE ATTENDANCE OF TOP-LEVEL SOCCER LEAGUES IN THE UK, GERMANY, AND ITALY FROM 1970 TO 2004

number of football fans in europe 1970 - 2004

Given is a line graph illustrating the average number of matches participation of three high ranking soccer associations from UK, Germany, and Italy between 1970 and 2004.

From the information supplied, It is evident that the Germany and UK's clubs show an upward trend. Meanwhile, there was a downturn in the participation rate of Italy's club.

From 1970 to 1980, there was a slight drop by approximately 20000 in the presence of the Italian league. At the same periods of time, the UK's soccer association also participated in fewer matches with only 20000 in comparison with the 22000 matches in 1970. However, from then onward, both the soccer clubs' participation rate increased exponentially. 2004 witnessed the enthusiastic attendance of the Italian and English leagues with 35000 and just under 35000 consecutively.

On the contrary, the number of the Germany club's matches gradually went up by around 5000 during the first decade. After that, there was a steady decline in their attendance proportion. Finally, the German soccer club's participation hit the lowest point of under 25000 matches in 2004.

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Nguyen, please make sure that you upload the images in panorama setting instead of portrait. I almost got a neck cramp trying to look at your portrait oriented image. It was very difficult to review in relation to what you wrote. There is a slight mistake with your summary overview presentation. If you study the chart, the information provided was not in consecutive decades. There is a gap between 1990 and 2004. Therefore, the skip in the years should have been properly recognized in your summary presentation.

You also failed to indicate that the audience attendance was going to be noted in the thousands. A proper overview indicates the most obvious notable information that you will be presenting, without mentioning the actual figures yet. Indicating those information would have created a more solid summary of the information for discussion. Additionally, if you combined the first 2 sentences with the next 2 sentences, you would have also developed a stronger orientation for your reader.

You have a tendency to misrepresent the information about the number of audience attendance. There are instances, such as in the last paragraph, when you made it sound like it was the number of games played, instead of the number of audience attendance that you were discussing. Don't lose focus, always make sure to make it clear to your reader that you are referring to audience attendance. One silly mistake like this and your essay will be marked down in terms of grammar or task accuracy.

Hello, I believe there is enough time to improve your writing skills in 3 months, take it easy. :) And I think it may help to organize all the information and find some silimars and differences first, then you can present the information in a better way.

Thank you for giving me support!!@Holt sorry about your cramping neck =))