Unanswered [5] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 2

IELTS Task 1 : The average household expenditures in Japan and Malaysia in the year 2010


aniani 20 / 20 13  
Nov 21, 2015   #1
A breakdown of the percentage of money spending in household necessities in two Asian countries in the year 2010 is shown in the two pie charts. Overall, it can be seen that the largest proportion of household expenditures in Japan was noted in other goods and services. While the highest percentage of Malaysia's expends was witnessed in housing.

The three greatest proportion in both countries occurred in other goods and services, food, and housing. Whereas the majority part was taken by housing of Malaysia, which was at almost more than a third. Then, the most money that Japan's spending was other goods and services, at around less than a third. Additionally, the second highest percentage witnessed in food expenditures in both countries, which were noted at 27% in Malaysia, and Japan experienced below this point.

Less money spending in the average household expenditures was seen in transport and health care. Malaysia witnessed one in ten in transport aspect and 3% of health care, while Japan spent more money than Malaysia, which was two times in both aspects.




Sketches 1 / 2  
Nov 21, 2015   #2
Hi aniani, your writing is good. However, you need to make this change.

Then, the most money that Japan's spending was other goods and services,

The above statement needs revision. You can say >> Then, the most money that Japan spent was on other goods and services

Malaysia witnessed one in ten in transport aspect and 3% of health care,

The italicized words needs revision since it doesn't make the statement understandable.

I hope with the above changes will make your work more enhanced.


Home / Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 1 : The average household expenditures in Japan and Malaysia in the year 2010