Unanswered [1] | Urgent [0]

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 4


JadeHuynh 1 / 1  
Jul 16, 2020   #1

the pie charts report

The charts below show the average percentages in typical meals of three types of nutrients, all of which may be unhealthy if eaten too much.

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.


The pie charts illustrate the percentage of three nutrient types: sodium, saturated fat and added sugar, which may be unhealthy if consumed excess certain proportion, in four main meals. The data is collected from the USA.

It is noticeable that sodium and saturated fat are mostly contained in dinner meals, while snacks have the highest percentage of added sugar compared to other meals. Breakfasts seem to be more healthy since their percentage of all three nutrients are at the lowest levels.

Compared to other meals, breakfast meals contain the lowest percentage of sodium, saturated fat and added sugar with 14%, 16% and 16% respectively. Sodium and saturated fat have comparatively large proportions in lunch meals with 29% and 26% respectively, while its added sugar level is lower just at 19%.

In the USA, eating dinner may be unhealthy because dinner meals contain a high percentage of all three types of nutrients. Specifically, in comparison with other meals, the percentage of sodium and saturated fat are at the highest level with 43% and 37% respectively. Although the added sugar proportion is not the highest among the typical meals, 23% added sugar is consumed by eating dinner. Finally, while snacks contain insignificant percentages of sodium and saturated fat with just 14% and 12%, added sugar is mostly consumed, up to 42%, when people eat this type of meal.

(Words: 226)

Tony565 - / 2  
Jul 16, 2020   #2
i think you use the word "pecentage" too many time and you can change it into "rate" or anything else
illustrate change to illustrated
Holt [Contributor] - / 9,031 2721  
Jul 16, 2020   #3
You ended up writing too many words for the Task 1 essay. y students are taught to use the 3 paragraph version of the task to save on time and allow for proper formatting and comprehensive data presentation. Other teachers prefer the 4 paragraph method which I find focuses only on word count and not content clarity presentation. If you prefer the 4 paragraph style, you should seek advise from teacher who use that style instead.

You should comprehensively deliver a summary overview within 5 sentences, not 2 incomplete paragraphs. Using my method, the student will indicate the following, without writing too many words:

- The topic
- The source
- The type of data used (outline the 4 meals as only 3 are main meals and the other meal is indicated as a snack)
- The measurement used
- The trending information

Present the comprehensive information so that you will be able to achieve a complete summary overview that meets the minimum 3, maximum 5 sentence presentation. It creates a thorough run-down of the succeeding discussion topics and information that can help the reader imagine the information as you deliver it in complete discussion presentations, within 2 paragraphs.

Always use the 3 sentence presentation so that you do not create constant run - on sentences as you do in this essay. Also, try to use other similar words to respectively. You will not help you LR score by constantly using the same reference point in your presentations. You could use terms like in combination, commonly, or conjointly. Regardless of how you present the information, make sure to avoid reference repetition.

Since you already indicated that the source material is from the USA in the summary, you do not need to repeat it in the later paragraphs. Since this is not an opinion essay, you do not need to use the term "finally" in the presentation. There is no need to represent a concluding statement in a task 1 essay.

The heaviest problem of your presentation is really the paragraph formatting and run-on sentences. Those are forcing you to write more than the necessary 175-190 words. This writing format will make it difficult for you to meet all of the required writing elements within the 20 minute writing time.
OP JadeHuynh 1 / 1  
Jul 17, 2020   #4
Your advice is really helpful. Thank you for your comments.

Thank you for your advice.