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a baby doesn't know the intricacy of external world; TOEFL IBT Essay "Parents are the best teachers"


HVC 1 / 1  
Jun 16, 2009   #1
Topic:
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Parents are the best teachers. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

When a baby is born, it does not know the intricacy of external world. The mother act as an interface between the new born baby and the external world. She is the first teacher who teaches the baby how to survive in this world. I strongly agree that parents are the best teachers.

The journey of learning starts at home. Children knowingly or unknowingly accepts their parents as first teachers. Because of special bonding shared between the parents and children they will become the former become the best teacher for the later. For parents this special bonding plays as vital role in understanding what the child wants and helps the to create the right ambience for learning. As I said the journey starts with simple learning about the external world. The curious child looks for its mother to help her the understand what she is seeing and hearing. This phenomenon continues with learning of talking, walking and playing. We should not forget that it is the mother who has teaches the basic and most essential qualities. Children always learn lot things from their father. Children learn a lot about the outdoor activities from their father. It is the father how teaches how the wheel rotates, how fish swims which ignites the children desire to learn more about the nature.

Most of the basic qualities like negotiation, humanity, communication which are essential to survive on earth are learnt from our parents. Parents play and important role in shaping the child's life.

As the child grows, it becomes ambitious to explore new world. Being close to kid for several years, parents have better understanding of what their kid looking for. This basic knowledge makes them to be the best teacher. Knowing the true potential of the child, the parent can turn to be a transformational leader by guiding the child to find its true capability.

To conclude, A best teacher is one who bring out the true potential in us. Only parents who share special bonding with their children can bring out the true potential and be best

teacher.

EF_Simone 2 / 1,986  
Jun 16, 2009   #2
We can't grade the essay, but we can offer you some assessments and suggestions.

I notice, for example, that you sometimes omit or misplace articles:

When a baby is born, it does not know the intricacy of the external world.

The curious child looks for its mother to help her the understand what she is seeing and hearing.

Notice, in this last sentence, that you alternate between saying "it" and "her" for the infant. While it is normally not acceptable to use "it" for a human being, this rule does not apply to newborns whose sex is unknown.

I also notice some problems with verbs:

The mother acts as an interface between the new born baby and the external world.

Children knowingly or unknowingly accept their parents as first teachers.

A best teacher is one who brings out the true potential in us.
OP HVC 1 / 1  
Jun 16, 2009   #3
Thank you Simone for your suggestions. My only intention was to know what my score would be in TOEFL exam for this essay. Your suggestion points out the grammatical mistakes. Can you please comment on the content quality.
EF_Simone 2 / 1,986  
Jun 16, 2009   #4
The content is fine. Solid, although not spectacular. However, your grammar and punctuation errors are significant enough to interfere with the reader's comprehension of the content, and that is why I focused on them. There are, in particular, far too many verb errors. There are also some omitted punctuation marks that make sentences run together or be hard to understand.
Mustafa1991 8 / 373 4  
Jun 16, 2009   #5
At one point you repeated yourself 5 times... in a row.

I don't know what the standard is for TOEFL, but frankly, you didn't say one thing cogent.
I'd give it a passing grade if I ranked in the 95th percentile for leniency as a test grader.

I guess they probably emphasize grammar and spelling more than anything else, for this test, but if I was grading it, I'd let all manner of technical errors slide if you made a half coherent argument.
EF_Sean 6 / 3,491  
Jun 17, 2009   #6
Content-wise you could shore up your essay by defining what exactly you mean by "best teacher" before attempting to apply that designation to parents. At the moment, you seem to mean that parents are by default the main teachers for their children. This is certainly true in most cases. However, I don't know if being someone's primary teacher makes one their best teacher. For instance, a boy raised in a family where the father abuses the mother, and the mother accepts it stoically as her lot, may learn that the best way to deal with women is through violence. The father and mother are the primary teachers of that lesson, but I wouldn't say that teaching such a lesson makes either of them a "good" teacher. Of course, if the father were to deliberately inculcate misogyny in his son, beyond what the son might have learned from his father's example, and if the son then became very misogynistic, one could argue that the father was a "good" teacher in the sense of being "very effective at teaching." Still, I suspect that most people would view him as less than ideal, as a teacher, and would certainly not want to term him the "best teacher" for the child. This isn't to say that a parent can't be the best teacher for a child, or even that parents aren't the best teachers in general, but you should be able to see how a clear definition of what you mean by the term would help you craft a stronger essay.


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