Unanswered [2] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 4

The balance - Universities should accept equal numbers of male and female study in every subject


Linhnguyen27 1 / 1  
Mar 4, 2020   #1

the proportion of male and female students



It is argued that universities need to allow equal figure of male and female study in each subject. This essay agrees that the numbers of each gender need to be balanced. Firstly, this essay will discuss about it is essential to equilibrium male and female study in every subject and secondly, it will discuss on this business will decrease the number of unemployed people in every countries.

It's really necessary and important to balance each student's gender in each subject. It will guarantee that universities don't have too much male or female. After graduate and go out to find a suitable job, the figure of 2 genders is equal. For example, National Economic University - one of the best and long - standing universities in Viet Nam was putted into practice this method and succeeded with many talented man.

The number of unemployed people in each major in every countries. If this university has enough male and female students, they won't accept more students, so others have to apply for an another university. After training, they can find out a suitable job for themselves and reduce unemployed people. There's no example for this opinion or any universities did it before but I think it will profound effect if we do this system in the future.

To sum up, the acceptance balance numbers of male and female study in every subject should be allowed with universities because of the importance of this business and for the future of each country - decreasing digital of unemployed people.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 12,846 4177  
Mar 4, 2020   #2
Do not outline your discussion in the opening statement of your Task 2 test. The first paragraph is the English comprehension portion of the test. The examiner is looking at your ability to restate an English paragraph using your own words. He is also looking at your ability to respond to English questions. Your proper response to the prompt requirement will prove your English comprehension skills. The essay is also not the one responding to the prompt. The response is coming from you. So, you have to refer to yourself in first person in the response and throughout the essay itself. Here is a sample of the proper paraphrase:

University administrators are discussing a question in relation to student admissions in their schools. There is an inquiry as to whether or not they should admit a proportional set of gentlemen and ladies as pupils in different courses. My strong opinion, is that the universities should admit an equal number of genders in every college major.

GRA scores will be affected by our use of conjunctions in this essay. Avoid shortened versions of "do not", "that is" , "He is", etc. This is an academic paper. As such, you must use formal rather than informal English word presentations at all times.

Your first reasoning paragraph does not have clear explanation and strong supporting information for the example presented. It is confusing to read and makes little sense to a native English speaker. You have 5 sentences per paragraph. Make sure to use the sentences after the example to better explain the meaning of your paragraph.

The topic sentence of the second reasoning paragraph is incomplete. There is a subject, but no verb to describe the action or topic of the sentence. Make sure every sentence you write has meaning. Maybe the sentence sounded complete in your mother tongue, but it certainly did not give any information to the reader in English.

There is no properly concluded summary in the presentation. The last sentence in the presentation is a run-on sentence that leaves the essay open ended instead of concluded with a summarized discussion. The essay is not very well developed, written, and presented so it will not be able to achieve a passing score in an actual setting.
vuthuylinh2611 19 / 61 1  
Mar 4, 2020   #3
@Linhnguyen27
Why don't you try using more simple vocabulary and sentence structure? It will make your essay easier to understand. When you try to use too many complex words and sentence structures, you tend to make more mistakes. You should also improve your grammar. After graduate - After graduating; find out - find; reduce unemployed people - reduce the number of unemployed people. The structure of the last sentence in your second paragraph is wrong. You should use active voice here. I feel your reason given in the third paragraph illogical as I cannot see the connection between accepting the equal number of male and female student with stop accepting student.
OP Linhnguyen27 1 / 1  
Mar 4, 2020   #4
@vuthuylinh2611 @Holt
This is the first time I've written an Ielts writing essay. Thank you so much for your comment, I'll try in the next time


Home / Writing Feedback / The balance - Universities should accept equal numbers of male and female study in every subject