please comment on my essay for corrections...I will really appreciate your help, thanks.
Powerful Technology for Now and the Future
21st century has brought many advances which includes breakthroughs in innovation technology. Truly, many people throughout the world enjoy the benefits of technology.However, other people think that along with the innovation's positive effects come more setbacks. In my opinion, technology's advantages outweigh its negative effects, as will now be explained.
Because of technology, life becomes easy and convenient. However, these innovations result in many disadvantages. For instance, manpower lay-offs happen because many factories and big companies replace workforce with machines. Moreover, some people lack exercise and become lazy because they tend to leave their routine tasks to machines. In addition, many criminals and terrorist are using technology, like cellular phones, internet and many other devices for their tactics.
On the other hand, technology has numerous benefits. Recent advances in medicines save many people's lives through new machines that can easily diagnose illnesses and medicines that cure many diseases. Furthermore, mass production of different products from big industries become faster, more efficient and cost-effective. Although some companies' usage of machines replace manpower, there are still more opportunities that keep on opening in other areas of employment. For instance, because of the modernization brought by technology more manpower are needed in information technology, gadget companies and machine operations.
In conclusion, in spite of the fact that new innovations bring some disadvantages, there are more manifold benefits that technology contributes in many aspects of people's lives. Because of its benefits, I strongly believe that technology will evolve to be more sophisticated, powerful and useful in the future.charrmaine
you have started the second paragraph with the ideas to support technology then you have written its disadvantages. I think you can add another paragraph by developing this sentence" Because of technology, life becomes easy and convenient." by giving concrete example of convenience that technology brought us. In this case your essay will have 3 body paragraph: one against the technology and two for benefits of it
You have given your stand in your introduction, so you have to support your stand throughout the essay or without changing your first paragraph,make the arguments in general terms and change your plan in your Introduction by conveying that you will be discussing both views first before you will come up to your conclusion. In this way the reader would be able to follow your line of thoughts.
Hope this would help you =)
