Unanswered [0] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 2

Balanced proportion of male and female in further education should not be applied.


ririchwang 6 / 5 4  
Apr 12, 2015   #1
Universities should accept equal numbers of male and female students in every subject.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?


In the past, there was a terrible injustice toward women in term of education. However, in the recent decade, female university applicants have outnumbered male. As a result, some people come to an idea to accept same proportion in gender. Even though it has benefit and drawback, I do not think that it is a good regulation for universities' learning system.

There are several reasons why people agree with the gender equality.
...
lcturn87 - / 435 236  
Apr 12, 2015   #2
1st paragraph: Make term plural in the first sentence. Explain what you mean by same proportion in gender. Are you referring to accept an equal number of male and female students? Make the word benefit and drawback plural. Revise the last sentence slightly. I think you are trying to answer the question. Do you mean that your position is that universities should avoid regulating the number of male and female students because it could hinder their learning system?

2nd paragraph: Take out "the" when you discuss men being left behind in numbers. Delete the (s) in statistic. Cite your source by stating in parenthesis where you found this statistic. Was it a book, website, etc? (Interesting and good source!) The last sentence you want to change it to: causes them to be unable.

3rd paragraph: Change to: object to the idea. Make female and male plural. When you explain conductive selective schooling, do you mean that students are chosen based upon how well they do in school? I would change equal proportion to making education equal to males and females. This will help the reader to understand that you are still discussing males and females. When you discuss the UK, you can start the sentence with "For example in the United Kingdom,". You could possibly end this sentence with "will have a job", unless this is from a particular source. I'm not sure if this last sentence fits with the paper. If you want it to be included with your paper you have to talk about employment in higher education. For example, after you discuss that 1 in 5 women are professors*, you could say that even in higher education women are not guaranteed employment. Is this what you were trying to prove? *Please cite your source when you discuss that 1 in 5 women are professors.

4th paragraph: I think you have the argument that you don't believe in accepting an equal number of male and females. When you say further education do you mean higher education? Make disadvantage and advantage plural.

Overall, good job!


Home / Writing Feedback / Balanced proportion of male and female in further education should not be applied.