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"On Balmer Island, where mopeds serve as a popular form of transportation


sanyagoyal1988 3 / 5  
Aug 10, 2012   #1
Hi
I am a novice in writing essays.I know it contains so many error.Please provide some tips and errors.
Thanks

The following appeared in a letter to the editor of the Balmer Island Gazette.

"On Balmer Island, where mopeds serve as a popular form of transportation, the population increases to 100,000 during the summer months. To reduce the number of accidents involving mopeds and pedestrians, the town council of Balmer Island should limit the number of mopeds rented by the island's moped rental companies from 50 per day to 25 per day during the summer season. By limiting the number of rentals, the town council will attain the 50 percent annual reduction in moped accidents that was achieved last year on the neighboring island of Seaville, when Seaville's town council enforced similar limits on moped rentals."

Write a response in which you discuss what questions would need to be answered in order to decide whether the recommendation is likely to have the predicted result. Be sure to explain how the answers to these questions would help to evaluate the recommendation.

In the above argument the arguer mentions some points to dampen the traffic accidens by moped which when implemented in his/her island will reflect same effect as seen by the neighbouring island.He gave many plausible solutions which will decrease the accidents.But in my view there are many flaws in his/her argument.

The Gazette compared the problem with the neighbouring island in order to curtail the accidents and provided various solutions which were adopted by the other island.I dont think this is the plausible reason for providing solution to the problem.First the Gazette should check that why these accidents are occuring in his/her island.He mentions population increase as the major problem but population cannot be the only factor by which accidents are increasing.It is possible that the law is not enforced much in the island and people of the town so drivng rash and furiously.

Also,he put a blame on the island's moped rental companies and suggest to resist the rental of mopeds to half.It didn't mentions that what percentage of the current population includes rental companies and what percentage have their own mopeds.If the rental companies are neglible as compared to the private mopeds than it will have no effect on decreasing the accidents.

In the next statement he mentioned the 50 percent reduction which was achieve by the neighbouring island.He must provide the population of the Seaville in order to bolster his/her point.If the population of Seaville is less than a little awareness will help to decrease the number of accidents.The relation between popuation and accidents are directly related to each other.More the population,more the accidents and less the population,less will be the accidents.

Additionaly,we can also assert that there are many other ostensible reasons due to which these practices will not help to cede the accidents.For example,age limit defined by the Balmer authorites is less as compared to the Seaville.Consequently,more youth and young have the right to drive mopeds resulting in more accidents.

In conclusion,in order to reduce the accidents the gazzete should also focus on other factors like re-enforcing the traffic rules and regulation ,installing more traffic lights for swift movement.
ah_zafari [Contributor] 40 / 672 148  
Aug 11, 2012   #2
Can you give me some tips on which part should I work to improve my writing?

I think you should work on two main parts :1) organization; 2) Grammar. Pay attention to what Porkbunsrule suggested with regard to the structure of the essay, too.

This is just my opinion .

Good luck
Ahmad
OP sanyagoyal1988 3 / 5  
Aug 11, 2012   #3
Hi Porkbunsrule and Ahmed

Thanks for the valuable responses.


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