common phenomenon
You cannot refer to the regular usage of an item as a common phenomenon because those are 2 contrasting word meanings:
Common - widespread, general, or universal
Phenomenon - an occurence of an extraordinary observable nature
So, if the usage of mobile phones are considered common, it cannot be considered a phenomena. Kindly check the word meaning against the way you want to use it next time. Make sure the words you use in combination refer to the same or improved meaning of the idea you wish to convey.
listen to music while driving a vehicle
This is a private act, not a public act. If one is driving a vehicle as in a private car, then the reference is incorrect. If one is driving a taxi, bus, or specified form of public transport then it is a public action. There is again, a problem with the way the writer references the words. He shows a lack of word meaning and inability to properly use the word references.
Let us put is this way, the writer has the right ideas, but is unable to properly form word and sentence structures to convey what he wishes to say. Language development exercises with regards to grammar structure are in order. The essay has the correct meaning but fails to deliver properly when it comes to GRA requirements.