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The bar chart illustrates the age distribution of Australians who did regular physical activity


nthao9987 1 / 1  
Jun 19, 2019   #1

IELTS TASK 1: 'physical activity' bar chart



The bar chart below shows the percentage of Australian men and women in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010.

The bar chart illustrates the age distribution of Australian people in both genders who did regular physical activity in 2010.
Overall, women did more excercises than men in all age groups, except for the teenagers. Besides, the boys aged 15-24 and the women aged 45-54 had the highest percentage of total people excercising.

Looking first at the female Australian, there are over 50% of people whose age ranged from 35 to 64 doing physical activity regularly, while the figure for the opposite gender was much lower, at approximately 40% to 45%. The 15 - 24 age group is the only group that the number of males excercising frequently are higher than that for females, with 52,8% and 47,7% respectively.

Regarding the 25-34 age group, the figure for females is higher than that for males, at 48,9% and 42,2% respectively. Women and men aged 65 or older have similar figures or people excercising regularly, around 47% each.




oneouran 6 / 13 4  
Jun 19, 2019   #2
The 15 - 24 age group is the only group that the number of males excercising exercising frequently are is higher than that for females, with 52,8% and 47,7% respectively.

spelling mistake:
excercises exercises
excercising exercising
Maria - / 1,100 389  
Jun 19, 2019   #3
@nthao9987
Hello there. Welcome to the forum. I'll try my best to provide you with feedback on your writing.

First and foremost, try to be cautious of the phrasing of your sentences. Notice how there were instances in your text wherein you were unable to properly relay information as you were caught up with attempting to squeeze all of the data into your text. While it is generally good that you are detailed, there should be matters of prioritization to be established to curate more effective information relaying. This will help you not condense everything into a compact, creating more writing depth with the ample amount of detail. Balance is critical here.

For instance, take a look at this proposed revision:

Overall, w Women did more excercises exercised more than men ... for the teenagers. Besides, the b Boys aged 15-24 and the women aged ... of total people excercising exercise.

Simplifying your language will get you a long way when working with these types of content.

Observe this other revision:

Regarding In the 25-34 ... than that for males, at 48,9% ... ... figures or people excercising regularly, at around 47% each.

Notice how you do not need to constantly mention (and repeatedly) that these figures pertain to exercising. Considering that you have already established this since the beginning of your content, it would be better to keep at it in the long-run.

Best of luck as always!
OP nthao9987 1 / 1  
Jun 20, 2019   #4
@Maria
Thank you very much for your feedback!


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