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The bar chart indicates the figure of time spent in billions of minutes by UK people on phone calls

Maitouyen282 9 / 26 3  
Feb 21, 2017   #1


HI EVERY ONE !Can you help me with my work ?
google =number+of+telephone+ielts+task+1: it is no way I can coppy the image please fowwloww thes

The bar chart indicates the figure of time spent in billions of minutes by UK people on phone calls, namely local -fixed line, national and international- fixed line and mobiles between 1995 and 2002. The comparison of three categories will be shown in next paragraphs.

The proportion of minutes which people in the UK spent on telephone calls had considerably varied movement. While the number for mobiles and national and international -fixed line increased steadily over a period of 7 years, local calls leaped from 1995 to 1999 and dropped from 1999 to 2002. The lowest figure on the chart was for mobiles and the highest number was for local- fixed line.

In 1995, around 70 billion minutes were used for local calls, compared to about 35 billion minutes of national and international calls and 5 billion minutes of mobiles. In 1999, people preferred using fixed line for local calls. The data illustrated that amount of time which was spent on local calls by UK people reached the highest point at almost 90 billion minutes. The possible reason for this change is that maybe local telephone's fee became chip. Mobiles and national/international land line still went up enormously.

In 2002, minutes of national/international and mobile calls stood around at 60 and 55 billion minutes. Potentially due to UK people started to spread their market, associate and invest in another countries. By contrast, the minutes of local calls plunged at the figure they began in 1995, ate around 70 billion.

Holt  Educational Consultant - / 13,013 4242  
Feb 21, 2017   #2
To, you have to post the actual essay and the image at this forum. We are not allowed to follow links outside of the forum. There is a potential danger to our computers from viruses, spam bots, etc. which could have a direct effect on how we help the others here. Now, it is not true that you were not able to post the image at this forum. I manage to read and look at the original thread that you posted before you deleted it. For your benefit, I will post the information that I tried to post with the thread that you created then deleted. Here is what I tried to tell you:

To, there seems to be a problem with the image you uploaded as I cannot access it to enlarge the image. Anyway, I was able to manually enlarge it and compare it with the information you presented. Before I delve on the problems of your essay based upon the information from the bar chart, I first have to call your attention a grave error on your part.

There were at least two moments in this essay when you presented information that was not included in the chart. These are hypothetical assumptions on your part to explain certain trends within the graph. Under no circumstances are you allowed to present a personal opinion or assumed data within an essay of this sort. The reason behind this is simple, if it is not in the chart, then the information does not exist. By offering information that cannot be backed up by the data in the illustration, you are misleading the reader and thus offering false information which could have an adverse effect on the final outcome on the way the reader considers the information presented. Such an error can possibly automatically fail you in this test because you failed to follow the prompt instructions. Which by the way, you also neglected to present as part of the text for our consideration. Next time, please offer complete instructions for your essay as the box instructions already indicate that you must include the full prompt instructions with your post.

That said, the highest possible score you could get for this essay is a 5. Mainly because your format, as in the presentation of your assumptions, were inappropriate in certain parts of the essay. Your overview summary is lacking a third paragraph to help increase your task accuracy score as well. Your score could actually be lower than a 5 because of the presentation of non-existent information in your essay. I am being very lenient with your scoring at this point because I am not aware as to how the actual examiner would score you incrementally based on the problems of your work. I am sure however, that you cannot get a score higher than a 5, lower than a 4.
OP Maitouyen282 9 / 26 3  
Feb 21, 2017   #3
I am so sorry I can not post it because If i do that I will get suspended

Please comment before I get suspended because I did post it and then no way i can post the image so I take the image from anothe one in essay forum and past it on my essay
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 13,013 4242  
Feb 21, 2017   #4
To, I think you have to seek the help of our moderators and administrators regarding your account. It seems to have too many problems or you just don't fully understand how to do things. Send them an email. They are very helpful people who will be very eager to help you fix your problems with using the forum post box. As for the comments that I have for your work, refer to the post that I made before this response. That is thread number 2. All of my comments and observations about your work are located in that thread. Read it, understand it, and apply it to your next essay. You had some very serious problems with this particular essay that I hope you take note of. Let me reiterate the need for you to contact our admin so that you can properly use the forum. If you continue to disobey the rules, you will be suspended and nobody can help you then.
OP Maitouyen282 9 / 26 3  
Feb 21, 2017   #5
So you mean i should creat a new thread with the comment i just gave you without suspended?
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 13,013 4242  
Feb 21, 2017   #6
Don't bother creating another thread. since you already posted the essay here. Just include the image in your next post in this thread for the benefit of the others who may want to help you improve your work.You get suspended for violations like not giving good advice (useless comments), plagiarism, not using a creative title for your post, advertising, and creating multiple accounts. Those are just a few of the violations that often result in suspension of accounts. So if you post your essay and include the image, which in this case, did not want to enlarge, I don't see why having borrowed it from another thread would be considered a violation. To make sure though, you can ask the admin of the forum if that is a violation. That is something only they can be sure about. Just make sure that next time, you upload an image that came directly from you. As long as we can enlarge it, you will be fine. There will be a problem if you post your essay without the image included. Don't ask the students and contributors here to access outside links either. That is something that the admin does not advise for computer safety reasons.
Nitivat 3 / 9 1  
Feb 21, 2017   #7

1. You don't need to say 'The comparison of three categories will be shown in next paragraphs' in the first paragraph. Instead, you may include the second paragraph into the first one, but you need to make it more concise than the current version.

2. The next two paragraph should talk about different comparisons that worthy of being in the different paragraphs. You may talk in detail about how Local was the most popular one followed by Nat/Inter and Mobile respectively as a 2nd paragraph. Followed by how all usages were increasing during 1995 to 1999 before local line begin to drop and mobile usage was massively expanded after 1999 as the 3rd paragraph. Or any other comparison you feel like, but it should have a clear contrast between two.

3. Also, don't use 'maybe' or something informal in the academic essay.

4. When you bring up an explanation, try to start from the fact that is obvious and widely accepted one then built your reason up from there.

Hope this help
nuradiapuspa 11 / 25  
Feb 22, 2017   #8
Hai @Maitouyen282

These are few corrections from me. Hope it could be helpful :)

1. In paragraph 1, you need to write an 'overall' statement aka the conclusion of the graph. "The comparison of three categories will be shown in next paragraphs" sentence is not appropriate to be written in the essay.

2. Your opinion is restricted to be written. Remember that this is an academic essay. So the sentence "The possible reason for this change is that maybe local telephone's fee became chip" is not needed.

Wish you luck :)

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