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[task 1] bar chart writing - where people live in the Northwest region

LadyOfClockwork 30 / 102  
Oct 21, 2017   #1

population in rural, suburban and urban areas

The graph below shows the figures for population distribution in the Northwest region for 1900-2050.
Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The figure provided for analysis is a bar chart. It illustrates the population spread across rural, suburban and urban areas, in the Northwest region from 1990 to 2050. In this essay, I will outline the key information and draw comparisons when appropriate.

Initially, the countryside dwarfed the others in the share of the population, but its edge eroded over time. It became the least populous area in 2000 when suburbs and urban districts both topped the ranking. In 2050, rural population is forecast to shrink further, whereas the majority of people will live in suburbs.

While in 1900, rural residents composed 65% of the population, the proportion plummeted to 45% in 1950 and 20% in 2000. By contrast, the share of suburb dwellers went in the opposite direction, up from 10% in 1900 to 20% in 1950, and 40% in 2000. Based on projections, the disparity will widen in 2050, with just 10% of people living in villages but 55% of those in suburbs.

For urban areas, the comparable share has seen and will witness minimum fluctuation. It stayed at 35% in 1900 and 1950, the same percentage as expected in 2050. The only change occurred in 2000, when the figure inched to 40%.

203 words
I tried to make a concise report. I am trying to improve my English proficiency by keeping writing.

sgassani 7 / 22 5  
Oct 21, 2017   #2

Taken from someone who got 6 in IELTS writing, I think it is a good writing. One thing that caught my attention is the first paragraph when you describe the chart.

It illustrates the population spread across rural...

Looking at the chart, (and your following paragraph) I believe the chart illustrate the population distribution from 1990 to 2000 and its projection in 2050.

Since getting the key figures wrong might lose you some marks, I think it is important that you addressed it accurately :)
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 12,289 3984  
Oct 21, 2017   #3
Gang, at this point, since there are two contributors working with you, I strongly suggest that you decide whom you will want to listen to. At the moment, you will be receiving 2 conflicting advice from 2 authorities in this area which can adversely affect all of the progress you have made I am not lessening the impact of the advice that ah is giving you. However, since we have come so far already with your progress, having worked together for a number of months and essays, and you have actually shown a level 9 writing skill already, I would hate for you to regress because you will be confused as to whom to follow with regards to the proper approach to this essay and how to write it. Please let me know whom you wish to work with so that I will know if you still require my participation in your presentations. I do not want to add to any confusion you might experience due to the conflict of instructions you are receiving at the moment. So let me know if you wish to proceed with my guidance or not. I will not be hurt or angered if you decide to go with someone else. If you wish to work with ah because he is more attuned to your needs, then so be it. I will give you tentative advice regarding your essay for now.

In the opening paragraph, you misread the illustration you were provided. The year 2050 is a projection and should have been identified as such in your summary presentation. The instruction sentence that comprises your third sentence is the basis of the discussion that you will be presenting and gives the reader an idea as to what the oncoming discussion will be presenting in terms of information. The trending sentence can actually be located at the beginning or the end of the discussion presentation. There is no single way or one manner of writing these essays. Write it in the method that you feel comfortable doing. You will be scored not on the basis of a template response, but the accuracy of your response to the prompt. There is no right or wrong format. There is only your ability to properly assess and report on the information provided. I feel that you did present your version of the trending statement at the end when you provided the comparable shares discussion.

Again, this is just my opinion on the essay that you wrote.
OP LadyOfClockwork 30 / 102  
Oct 21, 2017   #4
You asked me directly. So I'd like to give you an honest answer. That is, I want to listen to your advice and you have my trust. When I read your suggestion on my first essay in this forum, I made up my mind to place my trust on you and improve my writing under your guidance.

That's why I stick to the introduction format of three sentences that I have never found anywhere else or heard from anyone else, and follow your advice often contrary to that from dubious celebrities of IELTS in my country.

I absolutely believe in ah_zafari's good meaning and capacity, but if I should make choice, I choose to work with you, without doubt and hesitation.
ah_zafari [Contributor] 40 / 672 148  
Oct 21, 2017   #5
@Holt: First, I am not able to visit this forum frequently and I may even disappear for another a few years until I put comments here again, so if you have been working with this author for a while, just go ahead and ignore all my comments. Second, we should remind ourselves that here is a forum and people may have different opinions and writing styles. Those who post their works here can go through different comments and pick the tips they need. To be honest I did not like this comment. You cannot ask other people to stop posting their comments because they may be different from yours. This does not confuse the author. It just shows her that there are other ways of writing. As I said, that's all about the authors to make the final decision what to pick and what to ignore.

To make the decision easy for LadyOfClockwork, I will do it for her and will not post any messages under her threads anymore. Best of luck with your IELTS test.
OP LadyOfClockwork 30 / 102  
Oct 21, 2017   #6
I admire your generosity. Thank you for your understanding.

I don't mean any offense or doubt your authority. It's just a personal choice. :)
ah_zafari [Contributor] 40 / 672 148  
Oct 21, 2017   #7
I totally understand and it's perfectly fine. I just did not like the Holt's comment. It was quite offensive. Here is a public froum, and anyone has a right to post his/her comments. In any case, do not worry, you won't see my comments again.

Good luck

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