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IELTS task1 / Bar Chart / Percentage of Australian men and women doing regular physical activities


alice1426 3 / 8 2  
Sep 27, 2019   #1

the proportion of Australians who did exercise on a regular basis



The bar chart below shows the percentage of Australian men and women in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010.

The bar chart compares the proportions of Australian males and females of different ages who did exercise on a regular basis in year 2010.

Roughly speaking, females above the age of 25 tended to maintain a more regularly exercising habits than males, while males in the adolescence group accounted for more proportions than females.

Looking at the comparison in details, we can clearly see from the bar chart that the figure for women exercising regularly gradually increased with age and peaked at the age around their fifties at 53.3%, and then slightly fell after age 54. By contrast, the proportion of men in their teenage years represented the highest among the 5 different age groups at 52.8%; however, the figure for the percentage of men dropped dramatically to its lowest point at the age of 35 to 44, and then showed a gradually upward trend after age 45.

It is particularly noticeable that the gap between males and females narrowed at the age of 65 and over. Within this age group, the proportion of males doing physical activities on a regular basis was almost the same as that of females, which stood at 46.7% and 47.1% respectively.




Maria [Contributor] - / 1,036 371  
Sep 27, 2019   #2
@alice1426
Hey there, welcome to the forum. I hope this feedback becomes helpful for your writing endeavors.

Firstly, be cautious of your articulation with regards to grammar. Remember to be consistent with your tenses. If you started the writing with present tense, avoid shifting briefly in past tense. These sudden shifts often do not translate well in terms of your professionalism in academic writing.

Try to also be more brief with the way that you utter. For instance, the third paragraph's introductory line could have been converted into something like: "In detail, we can observe that the figure for women exercising regularly increased with age. It reached a peak in their 50s at 53.3% before it fell at the age of 54." Separating complex sentences will minimize potential damage into your writing. Bear this in mind at all costs.
OP alice1426 3 / 8 2  
Sep 29, 2019   #3
@Maria
Thank you for the instruction and helpful advice!


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