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The bar chart below shows the estimated sales of jeans for two companies next year in Turkey.


ma5noo2 1 / 3 1  
Dec 3, 2016   #1
The bar chart below shows the estimated sales of jeans for two companies next year in Turkey.

The chart illustrates the estimated sales of jeans for two companies (Mango co. ,and Jack&Jones co.) next year in Turkey. Unites are measured in thousands of pairs per month.

Overall, the total estimated sales for Jack&Jones co. are higher than those for Mango co., except for July and August where Mango co. bypasses it with a slight difference . The highest predicted sales for both companies are in December , while the lowest are in February.

In the first half of the year , January is predicted to have the highest sales for Jack&Jones co. with almost 500,000 pairs in comparison with those for Mango co. with nearly 200,000 pairs. Sales are estimated to decrease for both companies next month to reach about 250,000 and nearly above 100,000 pairs ,respectively . A gradual increase for both is forecasted to reach 400,000 pairs for Jack&Jones co., and almost 300,00 pairs for Mango co. .

In the second half of the year , Mango co. sales are predicted to rise and bypass those of Jack&Johns co. in both July and August with a difference less or more 100,000 pairs . Again , Jack&Johns co. will take the lead starting from September till the end of the year , with a gradual increase in November to reach 900,000 pairs in December , similarly for Mango co. sales are predicted to be steady till it will rise in December reaching approximately 600,000 pairs.

would you please evaluate this essay (according to IELTS evaluation criteria )
waiting your evaluation and your advises .




Daniella741 - / 4  
Dec 3, 2016   #2
Do you still need the help with your paper? I have looked through it and I must tell you that it is not that bad. I would also give it to somebody who is maybe more good at it. Only professional writers may notice the minor mistakes. You may google where to find the top rated writers and which service is the cheapest one
OP ma5noo2 1 / 3 1  
Dec 3, 2016   #3
@Daniella741

Thank you for your opinion , so you think it is good ? is there any thing else i can do more to increase my chance for getting a higher band ?

what are the minor errors you have noticed ?

thank you again for your reply
OP ma5noo2 1 / 3 1  
Dec 4, 2016   #4
@Holt would you please look at this task ?
Holt - / 7,527 2001  
Dec 4, 2016   #5
Hi Mohamed, after carefully reviewing your summary report for task, accuracy, coherence and cohesion, lexical accuracy, and grammar range and accuracy, it is my belief that you would score no higher than a 5 in all sections. This is because your essay, while informative, has problems in defining the time frame of the chart information.

There is a need for you to use time reference words consistently in the essay in order to clearly depict the time frame from the chart. Then, in the first paragraph, rather than mentioning the companies in a parenthesis, you should have mentioned them as part of the actual paragraph. That is because the names of the companies are an integral part of the summary and should never be placed in a parenthetical position because that makes it seem like an afterthought. Here is an example of a better developed presentation of your opening summary:

The chart depicts the estimates sales for the upcoming year for Mango Co. and Jack& Jones Co.. Both companies deal in the sales of jeans in Turkey. The projected monthly income for both companies are presented as a comparison in the chart , measured in units of thousands of pairs per month.

The above paragraph shows a wider range of vocabulary as the words estimated sales and projected monthly income refer to a time in the future, which is the setting for the summary report. Make sure to always be consisted in your time frame references. The rest of the essay is acceptable and accomplishes the required task.
OP ma5noo2 1 / 3 1  
Dec 4, 2016   #6
@Holt
Thank you very much for your reply , i will try to wok it out, Is there any problem if i mentioned you in any other task i feel i need feedback for it ?
Holt - / 7,527 2001  
Dec 4, 2016   #7
Another word of advice, I suggest that you read the online English business newspapers. Focus on the news articles relating to sales, projections, and other related information. Take note of how they present their information and what information they deem vital to their reports. Try to emulate their style in your writing because the charts, diagrams, and other information that you summarize for these report summary essays are similar in presentation and content. That should help you to develop your writing style in this area as well.

You can call my attention if you need to Mohammed. I will respond when I can. Please just be patient and wait for my response because I may not always be at the computer when you post your essay. The other students and contributors will also make their own suggestions for your improvement though so make sure to consider their advice as well. I will always review your essay even if there are other reviews already there. If I do not respond in an acceptable time frame, please call my attention to it. I might not see it at once as there are multiple essays posted for review at any given time so I might not notice your work immediately.


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