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Bar Chart - social networking sites people used in Canada


buiminhese 4 / 6 1  
Jun 8, 2019   #1
Dear All,

Here is my second essay. Thank you for your comment and time.

the percentage of Canadians using multiple social networking sites



Topic: The chart below gives information about the number of social networking sites people used in Canada in 2014 and 2015. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words.

The bar chart presents the percentage of Canadian people using multiple social networking sites in two different years: 2014 and 2015.

Overall, the percentage of Canadian people who did not use social media or used only one social networking site decreased slightly over the period shown, whereas the proportion of Canadian people who used more than two sites increased marginally.

Using one social networking site was the most popular in both years with 36% in 2014 and 28% in 2015. The percentage of people who did not have an account on social media was almost similar to that of people who had two accounts, and these figures remained almost unchanged over two years at around 21% to 24%.

There was a growth of 4% in the percentage of those people using three sites from 12% in 2014 to 16% in 2015. The figures for those people who had four and five networking sites rose almost two folds from 5% to 8% and from 2% to 4% respectively.




Maria [Contributor] - / 633 250  
Jun 8, 2019   #2
@buiminhese
Hi there.

Thanks for coming back to the forum. I'll do my best to help you.

First and foremost, I can say certainly that the construction of your sentences has improved. This appears to be more put-together and academically appropriate.

With this in mind, I do think that there are primary rooms for improvement. For instance, you can still trim down your essay and omit particular lines that only add irrelevant weight to your essay. If you can accomplish this, you'll curate a significantly more direct-to-the-point and yet in-depth essay that will reflect the needs of that of a interpretative analysis content.

Remember that an academic tone is established when you do this as your technique will use more complex and yet structured words.

To elaborate what this means, I'll revise a small portion of what you have now.

Overall, t The percentage of Canadians people who did not use ... site either fully did not use or used only one networking site decreased ... proportion of Canadian people ...

Notice how you can omit the word Canadian in the latter portions of the text, considering that you have already declared this as a fact in the initial portions. Eliminating these repetitions will help you in the long-run.

Best of luck as always.


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