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The bar graph below shows basic information about uses of leisure time among different age group.


iraitc 1 / -  
Sep 8, 2021   #1

leisure time by age



In the following chart, the statistics of using leisure time between different ages of people are illustrated and we can see younger are more fascinated to work with computers and middle-aged people are more fascinated with doing sports activities. In opposite, people of older ages are more interested in passive activities like reading books. In this essay, I will explain more about the chart and will give some summarized information.

To begin with, It's quite obvious the amount of spent time reading books among 13-19-year-old people is significantly low at 5 minutes at weekends. but, 75 minutes at weekends allocated in computer usages for leisure purposes which are over than average usage between the other groups. Furthermore, it is good to be known 20-65-year-old people have special attention to health and well-being and 120 minutes of a weekend spent for doing exercise and going for sports which is dramatically high in comparison with other groups. And finally, time spent for reading in the 66 and more year-old group is two times higher than 20-65-year people at 1 hour time a weekend, however, it is quite a passive activity and it is shown that sports activities times are fewer in comparison with the other groups at 20 minutes a weekend.

In conclusion, it's quite shown, youngers put more time in passive pastimes like computers and middle-aged prefer to put their times having exercise and older are more interested to study which count as a passive activity.

> bar graph's link :
drive.google.com/file/d/1cBdK0sVPLzMJrqaLG3CuK43_kWeDTt8f/view?usp=sharing

Please tell me my mistakes and how well this essay is? what's its band score?
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 11,570 3753  
Sep 10, 2021   #2
The writer used a topic restatement + opinion presentation for the first paragraph. A discussion format exclusive to the task 2 essay. The task 1 essay uses a summary overview with trending statement in place of the restatement and opinion paragraph. This will result in a failing TA score in terms of restatement considerations.

The 3 paragraph analytical report is missing from this essay. There is no accurate analysis and data presentation. The writer has failed to deliver on the task requirements because the task 2 format was used throughout the essay. Proving the writer's unfamiliarity with task 1 writing. This is a failing presentation.

The writer must read the task 1 writing samples at this forum to get a better idea of how to properly approach and develop a task 1 essay presentation.


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